well.. din come online yesterday.. went swimming with my aunt in the morning.. at bout 11.. :) it was good.. yeah.. then after swimming, went for lunch near my aunt's place.. then she n my cousins went home to change into their "go-out" clothes.. then we headed for my place.. my turn to change.. haha.. then i shun bian put my bedsheet into the washing machine.. yeah.. then we rested in my place till bout 3.. then we went out again.. sent my cousins to their tuition centre, then went to pp with my siblings n my aunt.. we ordered a cheesecake for mother's day.. yup.. then walked around.. haha.. went to macs.. ordered fries n stuff.. then my aunt wanted to try mcafe's cuppucino.. so i asked the aunty.. how big is the small size one.. then she showed me a ring with her thumb n second finger.. i was like.. super small.. then i told my aunt then she said take large one lo.. my goodness.. the large one.. almost as LARGE as palm can.. gosh.. then we helped my aunt drink lo.. although i dun like coffee.. just drank lo.. :s haha.. ya.. then looked around for mother's day present.. nothing much.. :( yeah..
stayed in pp till bout 8 i tink.. then my aunt drove us home.. then came home.. swept the floor.. then did my own things.. janice called me to chat n i found out somethings that i never knew.. oh well.. she has a blog.. n i nv knew.. i dunno if i remembered wrongly.. that i asked her n she said no.. well.. wat can i do if she refuses to tell me.. so b it then.. n some other things as well ba.. it realli made me realise.. sweedy. are ur friends realli friends? are those whom u realli put in effort to make birthday cards.. create birthday surprises.. these pple whom u try to save up money just to get them some things or presents worth ur friendship? i realli dunno.. pple whom you try wholeheartedly to b a good friend to, to make them feel happy. to make them feel comfortable.. but i seem to have failed.. cos in the end.. i realised.. that i have lost a lot of them.. mayb not physically lose them.. but i lost them.. their hearts.. i dunno if i even had them before.. that night, was the worst night ever in my life.. my life has always been built on friends i realli depended on.. but since some time ago. i realised.. that these friends, dun seem to b friends.. God, i am totalli lost now.. lost in the woods.. with no compass.. no stars in the skies to guide me.. no one.. no one is there.. God.. are u there? i dunno too.. i'm.. i dunno.. i'm breaking down.. i realli dread going to school.. cos.. cos.. i know u noe why..
tears.. they forced themselves out.. i tried to hold them back.. but it just hurt too much.. i realised.. i not onli have problems in my relationship with my family.. but now.. even in my friendships.. which i greatly depended on to carry on with life.. but now.. i dunno wat i'm going to depend on.. i want to depend on God.. there's something that's stopping me.. something that's causing me to b unwilling to let Him handle everything.. something out there.. which i dunno wat it is.. i may noe.. but i dunno.. i dunno wat i'm talking about.. i dunno wat i'm doing.. i dunno where i'm heading.. i dunno.. i tink.. for now.. it's just best to leave me alone.. i need a break from this world.. or.. it's even better if i part with it.. perhaps in the past.. the thing that i wouldn't bear to part with.. is human relationships.. but now.. if u take me away.. i dun tink i'll b unwilling to part with anithing.. perhaps some.. but.. i've realli lost that fear of losing some pple.. some pple whom i held dear.. no more.. no longer.. i dunno how i should react to these pple now.. pretend i din noe anithing and continue to act like their so close to me? or just keep myself in one corner? isolate myself from the whole world?
the onli thing i feel in my heart now.. is pain.. i'm hurting.. aching.. it's bleeding.. it broke.. how am i gonna fix it? i dun tink there's aniwae.. God.. take me away please.. i'll probably not go to heaven cos i'm such a sinful soul.. i dunno.. LOST.. that's all i have to sae.. i dun wana face all these animore.. it's gonna b realli awkward n fake when i face these pple.. help me someone.. take me away.. save me..
mother's day? not a realli good one today.. dun wish to further elaborate.. it's a cold war i guess. i dun wish to talk about anithing to anione.. bcos.. i'm afraid.. this broken heart will b torn apart further.. it's already badly tattered n torn.. leave it alone please.. if u come with the intention to crush it, leave it alone before i tear u into pieces.. LEAVE ME ALONE
