Saturday, September 16, 2006
*.* disappointment? tired.. persevere? weak.. *.*
well the day has just started not long ago.. n i'm already tired.. from eyes that were filled with tears.. well.. it just hurts and.. i dunno.. i dun understand why.. ok i know i'm not a good daughter.. i'm not a good sister.. i'm not a good fren.. i'm sorry for being such an irritating person.. getting irritated so easily during this period.. i'm sorry i can't handle my stress well.. i apologize.. but.. i have to say that i'm onli a human and i'm not perfect.. i'm learning too.. it's not that i wan to make everyone around me so unhappy.. well.. afterall.. it'll b better if i din exist huh? i dunnoasked my mum today if i could go to church.. she was in the room.. i was standing at the entrance of the room.. then she was like go church for wat.. then started a whole thing about church and my attitude to pple at home.. pple around me and stuff.. i was just standing there listening to her.. sad of course.. i know that's a no le lo.. while listening, i saw blinding white spots.. like wat u would see on tv when there's not "reception"? u noe.. then u the screen with alot of white spots.. ya.. then i saw more and more spots.. i leaned back onto the wall.. blinked to get them off.. but i saw more and more spots.. then my ears.. there was this "eeeeeeeeeeeee" sound.. getting louder and louder.. then i couldn't hear wat my mum was saying clearly.. n i couldn't see her clearly too.. all i saw was blinding white spots.. so i just stood against the wall.. hoping i wouldn't faint or anithing.. then she stopped for a while and din bother about me.. then i hurry went back to my study table and sat down.. n it went away after some time.. wats that.. if anione knows please tell me k.. at least if this is a sign that i'm gonna die soon cos of some sickness.. i can b prepared.. oh crap.. sound so sadistic.. well.. that's wat i'm feeling now aniwae.. i realli tink the world will b a better place without me.. pple would b happier without having me to hurt them.. oh well.. i dunno wats all these i'm going through.. but i'll take it as lessons to help me grow then.. it's gonna b difficult.. i dunno.. if i say i'm tired.. there's nothing i can do also.. i dunno.. torn.. that's how i am feeling.. trying to obey my mum.. yet i want to take my stand for my faith.. i'm feeling torn apart.. God wat am i supposed to do? i feel like i'm such a failure. such a coward.. such an idiot.. i wana leave this place..
I needed Jesus @ | 2:58:00 PM
