tears. everyone noes wat tears are. how much tears do we shed in a life. i dun quite know. i seem to have shed the most tears in this year. so much. but i suppose, many times, i caused myself the tears. yeah. self caused. no one to blame. well. i wished i could be smarter in handling how i relate to people. but sometimes, it's just so difficult to control the way i feel, how i express myself. i always tot the people closest to me should understand y i'm behaving that way but it seems, sweedy, u're wrong.

she's up there, he's down there, her hands in his. how i wish when we were in the same position, the same thing happened. but well. they're just different. different. we seem to be very different too. it seems, not everyone can accept the uglier side of me. it happened once. i tot i could give someone else a try. but both. close to me, yet i always got reprimanded in some way or another. sweedy, u have to change. that ugly side, is not too acceptable to people. change it.

wanted to bury myself in some cognitive psychology. but it just can't seem to get into me. i dunno how to take things off my mind. sometimes, simple concerns leads to misinterpretations and cause unhappiness. am i that difficult to read? mayb i am. and sometimes, i tink i'm just trying to get too much attention from people and i guess i put ppl off in that way. for that, i apologise to those who have been irritated with me for that. i din mean it. it just comes from me. i only realise it after everything.

right now, i tink sweedy just can't be herself in front of others. a happy go lucky approach proved to be better. and at times, she should just channel her extra energy to somewhere else and not tire people out with it.

back to burrying in cognitive psy. i wish fridays were free days. i miss you mummy. goodnight