Wednesday, September 06, 2006
*.* day nine of mugging.. (almost breaking down) *.*
argh.. i'm losing all the motivation i used to have.. all the "i'm gonna study and improve my results" spirit.. sian.. :(:( argh.. everytime i'm at home.. i just can't sit still to study.. i'll either b using the com.. or i'll b walking around the house.. looking for things to eat.. or just simply.. walk around.. :(:(:( i need to get out of the house.. :(:( but i can't.. all thanks to my siblings.. :( not that i wana blame them la.. argh.. but as long as they're at home.. i can't go out.. means i can't study out.. AHHH!! there's no one to blame but myself la ok.. shit.. this is a very bad feeling.. i feel like giving up already.. n i'm not even halfway through the crazy battle.. i haven't even pass the "training" stage.. the actual battle.. i've yet to even step into it.. n i'm saying that i feel like giving up.. wats this?? i dunno.. wat can i do? aniwae.. i was just looking at a fren's blog today.. and saw something about God.. she once believed.. but not animore.. but she did mention that.. she did not totally lose faith ba.. so i tot.. this would b a good chance for me to invite her to church.. yeah.. i hope she'll come.. n i also hope that.. i myself.. will b able to step into church.. not sneakily.. not through some white lies.. but with the blessings of my mum..i noe this day will come.. Lord.. i need to feel ur presence.. cos i'm realli losing hold myself.. i dunno how long i can hang in there alone.. i dunno.. i realli dun.. this is not too much for me i noe.. but.. it isn't turning out the way it should Father.. i'm tired.. exhausted.. i can't focus.. i can't.. i realli can't..
I needed Jesus @ | 12:23:00 AM
