when i was tossing and turning in bed, tot through life quite a bit. sigh. i hate myself.. dunno y. i tink i'm mad. mayb i'll be better off in some mental hospital or something. guess sometime ppl just can't stand me.. i dun blame them.. in fact i can't stand myself sometimes. but i can't help how i behave.. sigh.. tink i should just keep quite and cut myself out from this world ah.. but i noe, it's never possible.. and that sucks. sigh..

but you noe, all my life, i never had someone who could support me when i feel down.. i realised.. how sad is that huh.. since young, i kept many many things to myself.. and when i'm sad, i'll just keep it to myself and cry in bed.. or maybe the toilet.. when i'm angry, i just keep quiet.. never had the habit of saying things to anyone because.. because.. i tink no one was free to hear from me.. and i guess, i brought this behaviour to the present.. that's how i am.. and i feel sometimes, ppl just can't accept me like that.. even the closest.. and that is wat pains me.. really pain.. y.. y can't they just wait till i'm comfortable before probing.. y do they have to keep asking and asking and get themselves irritated and they blame me for it? is it really my fault? i really wonder.. and i wana tell you, i'm really disappointed in you.. u've really hurt me real deep inside.. i din wan to come back at all but i've got no where to go.. i had no choice.. and now, u dun even bother to say sorry or comfort me.. thanks man.. i wonder who i have been trusting.. i'm really dumb to even trust the things you say.. really.. i'm dumb..

wells. i dun tink i got anything else to say to anyone.. maybe, this will be the last post on this blog.. to you, i really hate you for doing all these. and i hate myself more for allowing all these to ever happen.