darn.. i'm so.. i dunno.. i'm totalli in the "i am dead" mood.. i'm like tearing even as i'm typing this.. shit.. have i given up on myself? i dun tink so.. i just feel that.. i'm realli gonna die.. no amount of effort put in at this time is gonna help at all.. as much as i would like to give up.. as much as this tired mind would like to give up.. my heart.. it is not allowing me to do so.. ): "there's still hope" "you can do it" "there's still time" "just do wat you can" "trust God".. alot more.. these are words from others.. i realli appreciate them.. but at this time.. realli.. it's not working on me.. not that i dun wana try.. i've.. if hope is the word.. lost hope.. i'm just studying to push the grades up as much as i can.. knowing that it wun do much of a help..


i dunno!!!! ): this is realli the worst period of my life.. i never felt so uneasy over an exam before.. i never felt so stressed out before.. i nv hated myself so much.. i nv disliked any phase of my life to such an extent.. i nv wanted to leave this world so much.. alright i'm such a coward.. i'm such an idiot.. i'm such a lousy person.. such minor things.. and i'm already down in this state.. well.. i've got nothing to say.. how terrible a person i am.. failure.. darn..


i can't exactly put into words how i'm feeling now.. but the main point is.. i dun tink i can make it through this exams.. those tears are so difficult to hold back.. (but i must say i'm pretty good at it) i've managed to keep them out of sight.. till i'm alone.. and i realised.. the sweedy now.. ain't the sweedy many pple used to know.. she's retreated.. she's less open.. she's less willing to share her life with pple.. she's no longer that smiley smiley girl.. well.. even if she smiles.. it's a mask most of the time.. she wans to b alone.. in a small small world.. she doesn't want others to see her in this state.. she doesn't wan anione to b affected by her.. she'd rather die.. she rather that.. yeah..


sigh.. HELP! wats all these.. i dunno.. i need a BREAK! ): i dunno how i'm gonna survive the next month.. the onli thing is.. i'll do wat i can ba.. there's no turning back.. i can onli move forward.. God.. i dunno wats with me.. i dunno wat i can do to help myself.. i realli need to feel ur presence every second.. that's the onli way i can feel that i'm safe in ur hands..


I AM BREAKING DOWN! ):