*.* happy! *.*
i've never been so happy in my life(: especially during stupid exam periods. hahaha(: so many good things have been happening(: but the best is to see people growing in the Lord, and starting to learn to commit and trust God(: AMEN!(: hope it will only grow deeper from here(:
my life. i can feel God. and i like that(: hope my walk with God will grow even stronger! and now, focus on studying. after that, God! we'll work with the fellow tuffers! and we will bring more ppl!(: and we'll have wonderful fellowships! and we'll have united tuffers! lead us. we wana be ur sheeps(: and u our shepard!(: LOVE U!(:
time to study.. lalala. PRAISE GOD FOR EVERYTHING!(:
I needed Jesus @ | 10:29:00 PM
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
*.* God's working.. *.*
short post. but wow. i can feel God working in me. my mum called just now to ask me to go home tmr after my paper. she's gg to m'sia in the day and want me to take care of my siblings. i was quite pissed off cos my siblings are already so old. there's no need for me to take care of them. but she kept insisting. i got really irritated, just told her i'll go home and hung up on her.
still feeling really irritated, i couldn't study. so i whispered a prayer. God revealed to me that i shouldn't have done that. no matter wat, i should honour and respect my parents. so i just dropped my mum a msg to apologise and also made a deal! haha i said i won't be going home this weekend then. cos i've got two papers next week):
God is just amazing. thank you for your guidance!(: love you to bits. missing my fave dog at home. see u tmr reuben!(:
I needed Jesus @ | 10:22:00 PM
*.* in all circumstances, there's always a reason to praise.. *.*
so many reasons to wana give up. i'm so sian. exams are tomorrow but i can never seem to finish studying. productivity seems to be going down as time passes. headache. time of the month.
but i have every reason to praise the Lord! i have my friends here with me so i can complain when i'm feeling bad. for me, my period always comes with cramps. but PRAISE THE LORD! i'm feeling all good today! despite a little headache. but i am not bed ridden all because of my cramps! indeed, God is great!(: thank you Lord.
so wat i need to do now as i've just told the tuffers i love. DO YOUR BEST. and God will do the rest!(: AMEN!(: JIAYOUS EVERYONE!(:
back to egan's boring book. but i'm still full of praise for my lord!(: love you!(:
I needed Jesus @ | 3:43:00 PM
*.* leaning on you *.*
it's been hectic weeks rushing reports and preparing for presentations and studying for exams. crazy. but u noe, i'm still alive. *wow* and it's been so many sems and i'm still trying to get used to this crazy schedules.. but time and again, i get through. because, i'm leaning on you. thank you Lord. without you, i'll probably have dropped dead for watever reasons.
many things have went wrong many times. but it was never the wrong choice to hold on to your hands. it might have been tough and responses from ppl might have been negative. but i noe. i have u by my side. nothing for me to fear. but Lord, i hope i'm doing the right things. i dun wana hurt people and make things worse. hope things get better from here!~(:
time to get back to work.. byes!
I needed Jesus @ | 11:26:00 PM
Thursday, January 28, 2010
*.* down down down.. *.*
sighs.. this is gonna be another emo post i suppose.. these few days hasn't been a good one for me in any way. health. nah. worst in my life. sniffing and sneezing and coughing.. watever u can tink of i'm having it. sucks man. pissed off at myself. sigh. weak. and now, i'm in a super irritable mood but the idiot who caused it is not even bothering. how cool is that. and i tried to sleep. been in bed since 11+ but up till now, i have been tossing and turning in bed, trying to catch some air through my horribly blocked nose. i gave up. tink it's better i stay on the comp till i'm tired.. might make things easier for me when i go to bed. wells
when i was tossing and turning in bed, tot through life quite a bit. sigh. i hate myself.. dunno y. i tink i'm mad. mayb i'll be better off in some mental hospital or something. guess sometime ppl just can't stand me.. i dun blame them.. in fact i can't stand myself sometimes. but i can't help how i behave.. sigh.. tink i should just keep quite and cut myself out from this world ah.. but i noe, it's never possible.. and that sucks. sigh..
but you noe, all my life, i never had someone who could support me when i feel down.. i realised.. how sad is that huh.. since young, i kept many many things to myself.. and when i'm sad, i'll just keep it to myself and cry in bed.. or maybe the toilet.. when i'm angry, i just keep quiet.. never had the habit of saying things to anyone because.. because.. i tink no one was free to hear from me.. and i guess, i brought this behaviour to the present.. that's how i am.. and i feel sometimes, ppl just can't accept me like that.. even the closest.. and that is wat pains me.. really pain.. y.. y can't they just wait till i'm comfortable before probing.. y do they have to keep asking and asking and get themselves irritated and they blame me for it? is it really my fault? i really wonder.. and i wana tell you, i'm really disappointed in you.. u've really hurt me real deep inside.. i din wan to come back at all but i've got no where to go.. i had no choice.. and now, u dun even bother to say sorry or comfort me.. thanks man.. i wonder who i have been trusting.. i'm really dumb to even trust the things you say.. really.. i'm dumb..
wells. i dun tink i got anything else to say to anyone.. maybe, this will be the last post on this blog.. to you, i really hate you for doing all these. and i hate myself more for allowing all these to ever happen.
I needed Jesus @ | 2:25:00 AM
Friday, December 18, 2009
*.* my holiday.. *.*
hahaha the title sounds like some primary school compo. but indeed.. this post is gonna be mostly about my holiday thus far.. which is ending in no time):):): sad well anyway. last wed to fri, it was kidsworld(: and i must say, i really had a good time and experience handling the kids. no doubt, there were times i wished i could stranggle them! lol but well, kids will always be kids. if they were as sensible as adults, the world would be so boring. haha i my two fave kids really brighten my day at the camp(: haha love them to bits!(: yeap yeap. given another chance, i would defnitely take part in kidsworld again. even if it's with the same kids(: love(:
saturday and sunday were definitely my busiest day.. ahah christmas rehearsal! roar! busy busy busy but i tot it was still fun(: haha this year the ppl in the choir quite cooperative leh(: haha thanks guys for making my job easier~!(: u ppl rock! let's keep up e good work for christmas!(: yeah.. thank God for these bunch of ppl. hope we'll put up the bestest performance for everyone!(:
this slackish life right now and has got me thinking about alot of things.. random.. messy thoughts.. will share when i've got them all sort out.. haha (: that's all for now.. see ya another time!(:
I needed Jesus @ | 3:07:00 PM
Tuesday, December 08, 2009
*.* this is home.. *.*
REUBEN!(:
this is wat i call cowardice..
this is my dear lucky(: who stopped being a coward..
it does feel good to be at home doesn't it? but honestly. i just can't imagine how much i actually dreaded going home a few years ago. i really wished i could be out and free then. it's only until i started second year of uni that i really appreciated my family, especially my wonderful mummy(: and not afraid to say. i realised that i'm gradually moving away from that insecure self because of that growing relationship with my mum and because of the love my dear bf has been showering me with. i really thank God for these people in my life. you noe, i'm not the easiest person to be around. but they have never given up on me, including my wonderful God. he's the most persistent. haha. thank you to all who have made a great difference in my life.
well. start of the school holidays. feels good to be nua-ing at home(: hur hur. but that doesn't mean i dun do anything lar. i helped my mummy do housework, mop floor, wash the fan, vacuum the floor, clean after my two very "SMART" dogs who love to pee wherever they deem fit. haha. but i still love them!(: hehe. and i spent most of my time online on facebook harvesting crops, preparing food for my cafe. HEHE(: and taking care of the animals in my zoo. i really can't imagine how i spent almost 3/4 the day on this. HAHAHA. kinda amazing.
oh something interesting happened today. the cowardy Lucky of mine. haha he's been a coward because he's always scared of Reuben for i dunno wat reason. and he always runs away from him, stays as far from reu as possible. haha but today!! something damn amazing happened. HAHA reu as usual, went on with his normal routine to irritate lucky. he always tries to smell him. butt, body. watever he can smell. so he kept following lucky and managed to corner him. THEN lucky BARKED at him! WOW.... i was damn shocked. hahaha lucky kept barking at him and tried to attack him (but lucky's attack is like too soft for reu?) hahaha but reuben was so persistent. he was shocked at first too. but he started to bend down with his hips in the air and head near the ground, wagging his tail! he tot lucky wanted to play with him! hahaha gosh. the intelligence of a dog... haha and he just refused to get the idea that lucky is trying to say GET LOST! hahaha. well i had to stop this barking and so i picked reuben up and said "STOP IT he doesn't want to play with you". as if he understood that. he left lucky alone. haha to lucky's relief. lol
my random father. he decided to take a train to penang this holidays. i dunno when. but he was damn funny. we were like "why dun take a plane?" then his reply was "aeroplane i also scared. ferry i also scared. so take train lo" we all couldn't help but burst out laughing. HAHA well another thing i thank God for. that mended relationship between me and my father. a long story but i thank God for the ability to forgive wat he has done to the family. i wish it'll only get better from here.
these are small lil things that brighten my day and i thank God for them(: i hope we'll all learn to appreciate the small lil things around us that God has blessed us with(: may the good Lord bless and keep you(:
dots. i was about to turn off the comp and go to sleep. here comes mummy. "eh help me look after the washing machine water ah" =.= she wants me to collect the water that comes out in a pail. thanks ah mummy.. sweedy's off to her journey to collect water.. byee..
I needed Jesus @ | 1:33:00 AM
Sunday, December 06, 2009
*.* i need you jesus... *.*
a blog revived after almost a year in fact.. that's long.. so long that the old blog skin wasn't workin. haha well. a lil rusty on blogging but there's just so much that happened that i dunno where to start. but the thing is, this skin, caught my eye the moment i saw it. simple yet it says so much. i need you jesus. more than anything. i really can't go on on my own. i need you by my side. the most important thing is, i need to let you be by my side.
time has just passed like no one's business. it's the end of my 5th semester in school. wow. and u noe, i really am proud of myself this semester. sweedy has never gone into any exam feeling more prepared than i have been this semester. i definitely spent more time with my notes and text books this semester. haha. all thanks to my wonderful tuffers, *trying* to meet every week to study. and during the exams, we really spent so much time together studying. thanks tuffers. i'll nv have studied that hard without you guys. haha although i'm on my laptop rather often ;) hehe but yeah. this year, i really can feel the bond in the tuffers and i really thank God for that. i hope we continue to bond but at the same time, allow more ppl to join us in the bond!
right now, i'm actually feeling kinda down for some things that happened yesterday. i definitely dun feel at fault at all. and i'm not gonna apologise for something i dun feel i did wrong. so yeah. but i thank God for bringing me through last night. it wasn't an easy time, having some difficulties falling asleep. thought alot. and i just had a surge of fear of some things that are not supposed to be around in my room yesterday night. dunno y. just felt uncomfortable. sang a song, prayed, and God put me to sleep with ease.
right now, all i can think of is how. how can i reach out to my friends who have yet to know jesus. right here, i just wana say a big GOOD JOB to my favourite girlfriend Jocelyn!(: haha good job there girl. i really thank God for your love and passion to do his work. u really encouraged me so much! and i wana bring forth this special gift to my friends this christmas. i really hope that God will provide me with friends who are open and in need. i wana do God's work!(: i wan more spiritual babies!!!!! (: hahaha i wan more for my family that i love to come to noe the Lord. i'll keep praying for them.
it's been a tiring exam period. but yeah. thank God, it's over. it might not have been the best exam to have but i'm just thankful it's over. time to catch up on beauty sleep. to all, may God bless you.
I needed Jesus @ | 8:01:00 PM
Saturday, February 21, 2009
*.* love.. *.*
something pastor kian cheng mentioned today kinda struck me, and made me feel normal. "when u love someone, you desire to spend time with the person, and when spending time with the person, time seems to fly".. something along that line.
i'm a people person, i need people around me. but sometimes, i really dun understand why i really hope people i like will spend most of their time with me. i tot i was over possessive or something. but i guess, the above sentence explains it all. it's because i love them, the people i love, i'd like to have more of their time, hoping they'll love me too. but i guess, sometimes, it's just too much to ask for from them. i dunno. probably, i'll take a step back. retreating may be a better choice.
participated in the performance at church today. a skit. song titled "stain glass masquerade". interesting song. the skit, meaningful one too i feel. i guess i'm like that. faced too much rejections in life that i've learnt to pick up some masks to fit the crowd. the mask of humor, of craziness that takes away all the ugly sides i used to have. sometimes, people really can't accept me ba. even now.
i only wished to be able to have u by my side as much as possible. but u dun seem to agree with this. i guess, we are different ba. it's okay. u're still my friend. but it'll never be the same again i suppose. i'll be strong. may God bless me.
Lord, i want to love you more. i want your presence more in my life. help me Lord.
I needed Jesus @ | 10:27:00 PM
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
*.* sometimes love just ain't enough *.*
well well. today quite a dull day. was feeling sick in e morning with a heavy head and a bad runny nose the night before, so i din catch much of a sleep. woke up at 9plus with puffy eyes, bad nose and head. rar. bad morning to start the day): sigh.
had lecture. met my jc frens for lunch. and then it was my song presentation for GV17. was quite nervous. ran to the toilet twice before my performance, and went out for the third time to practise my song for one last time. yeap. and just a few ppl before it was me, i saw tim and jingyang and frens walking in(they were there to support another friend la) haha. i panicked even more. boox. more ppl to sing in front of leh. ha stress.
my turn. i sang. when i just started, i was quite unstable. haha couldn't really reach the high notes at the chorus. booo. haha but got a lil more stable as e song moved along. yupyup. overall. i tink it was an okay performance ba. yeah. haha after i sang and returned to my group, my fren turned around and told me, " haha ur voice doesn't match ur face and behaviour". lol. well. it's over le. a pat on the back for every single singer(:
then after lesson, walked back to hall with tim and jy. invited jy to my room. hah yeah. so we were slacking in my room, looking at youtube videos and all and we both got hungry. booo so we went to eat. but i dunno where i put my key! so i spent a freaking long time looking for it and jy found it on my table. lol. i searched the table a few times. haha blur me. well. i like such times of relaxing catching up. haven seen jy for such a long time. kinda miss this "playmate" haha. always disturb him and all. hope he'll be back to join us some day. MISS U! haha
yeah. and now. i'm still not feelin too good ba. physically. mentally. emotionally. sometimes i tink. i am a mental patient. one with unstable emotions. i'm just unstable. but only people who are really close see such a side of me. if any of u see me like that. u'll probably tink like the one who saw me in that state. i might need help according to wat that person said. it did sting me for a while. how someone close could say that to me. it wasn't really phrased that way but in that line. but well. mayb i do. i dunno. and sometimes i tink. mayb i'll do better in there. hah okok morbid thought. ignore that.
well. right now. i just wana stop doing the wrong things that i'm doing. i wana sin no more. no more. and. i hope that big problem can be settled. u wan it, we'll do it right. if u dun wan it, let's go on our own ways. i'm tired. u're tired too. we noe wat has been going on. if u tink u can't handle such things, then i suggest u give this whole nonsense up. because if u can't handle it now, i dun see how u can handle it in the future. dun ask me anything. make ur own decision.
i'm just in a freaking big mess. mess. i just wish i could get myself out of all these mess. sometimes i really wish my life would end here. i realli dunno if it would make any difference to ppl around me. without me in their life. would it be better? i dunno. but for now. since i'm around. all i can do is be as socially acceptable as possible. that side of me. is better to be kept within me.
i'll end this post here. i dunno how to organise the rest of the thoughts. my last few posts have been such negative posts. sigh. sweedy. look at more positive things please. just wana share the lyrics with u. the song that i sang. tink it's quite a nice song. meaningful lyrics. speaks my heart.
I dont wanna lose you,
I dont wanna use you
Just to have somebody by my side
And I dont wanna hate you
I dont wanna take you
But I dont wanna be the one to cry
That dont really matter to anyone, anymore
But like a fool I keep losing my place
And I keep seeing you walk through that door
But theres a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know its your heart you cant trust
Theres a reason why people dont stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just aint enough
Now I could never change you
I dont wanna blame you
Baby you dont have to take the fall
Yes I may have hurt you
But I did not desert you
Maybe I just wanna have it all
It makes a sound like thunder
It makes me feel like rain
And like a fool who will never see the truth
I keep thinking somethings gonna change
But theres a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know its your heart you cant trust
Theres a reason why people dont stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just aint enough
And theres no way home
When its late at night and youre all alone
Are there things that you wanted to say
Do you feel me beside you in your bed
There beside you where I used to lay
And theres a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know its your heart they cant touch.
Theres a reason why people dont stay who they are
Cause baby sometimes love just aint enough.
Baby sometimes love just aint enough.
I needed Jesus @ | 8:34:00 PM
*.* promises *.*
haix. it seems like i just can't get myself out of the "hate being alone" feeling. i dunno. i just hate being alone. and i really HATE IT. sigh. and yet. there are so many times. so many. that i end up alone. i'm so tired. so tired. i dunno wat i wana say. my mind is in a mess. big mess. so is my whole life. oh well.
promises. are they meant to be broken? i dunno. i've been faced with so many broken promises. they hurt me. but now. it seems, i'm immune to them. i tink i've gotten used to it. in the past. sweedy seldom break her promises. but there was a period of time. i know i hurt this fren so much with my promises that were never fulfilled. i'm sorry. to this friend, debra, i wana say a big sorry for the broken promises. i really hope i'll never do those things to u again. i guess, right now, i'm having a taste of my own medicine. God bless me. i hope i dun break down.
today is a pretty fine day until the night came. well i was faced with a broken promise that i promised myself i'll remove all those promises from my head. i dun wana remember a single one because i dun wana be hurt anymore. on my way to ntu. the train had some technical fault or something . the train was not moving. my journey was delayed by 15 mins or so): only got back to sch at 11+ after visiting a sick friend.
back in hall. roomie ain't around cos she's got lessons only in e afternoon so she'll only be back tml. so i'm here all alone. facing my lappy and four walls. blahx. boring. then i went to bathe. the heater wasn't on. so i went out of the toilet and turned it on and went back into the bathroom. the water was still FREEZING COLD. i had no choice. i just bathed. i tink i almost died. super cold): sigh.
wat an unlucky day. disgusting. i hate such things. roar. just wish that my hair will quickly dry. and i can go to bed. and i just looked at my clock and realised that it is already 1am. God bless me. i miss my dog.
I needed Jesus @ | 12:48:00 AM
Thursday, August 14, 2008
*.* thoughts *.*
I needed Jesus @ | 11:58:00 PM
*.* tears *.*
tears. everyone noes wat tears are. how much tears do we shed in a life. i dun quite know. i seem to have shed the most tears in this year. so much. but i suppose, many times, i caused myself the tears. yeah. self caused. no one to blame. well. i wished i could be smarter in handling how i relate to people. but sometimes, it's just so difficult to control the way i feel, how i express myself. i always tot the people closest to me should understand y i'm behaving that way but it seems, sweedy, u're wrong.
she's up there, he's down there, her hands in his. how i wish when we were in the same position, the same thing happened. but well. they're just different. different. we seem to be very different too. it seems, not everyone can accept the uglier side of me. it happened once. i tot i could give someone else a try. but both. close to me, yet i always got reprimanded in some way or another. sweedy, u have to change. that ugly side, is not too acceptable to people. change it.
wanted to bury myself in some cognitive psychology. but it just can't seem to get into me. i dunno how to take things off my mind. sometimes, simple concerns leads to misinterpretations and cause unhappiness. am i that difficult to read? mayb i am. and sometimes, i tink i'm just trying to get too much attention from people and i guess i put ppl off in that way. for that, i apologise to those who have been irritated with me for that. i din mean it. it just comes from me. i only realise it after everything.
right now, i tink sweedy just can't be herself in front of others. a happy go lucky approach proved to be better. and at times, she should just channel her extra energy to somewhere else and not tire people out with it.
back to burrying in cognitive psy. i wish fridays were free days. i miss you mummy. goodnight
I needed Jesus @ | 11:33:00 PM
*.* lost *.*
ooh it's been ages since i last blogged. and this seems to always be my first sentence whenever i blog after a freaking long time. lol anyways. i'm in office now. and as u can see, since i'm here, i'm definitely slacking!!! hahahah well my job is to slack. lol the two boys are out to send stuff to changi prison. heheh me e girl gets to stay in e aircon room and slack till they're back and off we go for lunch(: whee~!
well well. see my title of this post and u'll be wondering y i'm lost. honestly, i just feel lost. no particular reason. it's this sense of dunno wat to do, where to go and what is happening. i'm trying to understand things and people around me better. i'm trying to see things in a clearer view but easier said than done. and many times, i dunno wat i'm doing.
people around me have suffered having to tolerate much of my nonsense many times. well well. i promised others and more importantly myself to take care of my own emotions and it's not working i guess. even worse when i've got that special visit from some aunt every month(not difficult to figure out what i'm talking about huh). yeahh.
but well. sometimes i'm trying but that whole blast of emotions explodes once again when i'm faced with irritated people. when they scream at me, or at least when i sense anger or irritation in their tone. it's difficult for me not to explode in such circumstances. well i guess at such times, just leave me alone to do some thinking and i shld be fine. well i'm difficult to handle. i also dunno wat helps myself. well well. just keep praying for myself ba.
well nothing much this week. probably some catching up with old friends ba. meeting up with two of them this week and next week(: yeah.
getting hungry. and the two boys have yet to be back. booohx. rarr. tink i'll end here. i'll have to do some thinking about my life too. good bye for now.
I needed Jesus @ | 11:12:00 AM
*.* 2 more days *.*
two more days and all this depressing moments will be over. i miss you. so much): sigh. these few days have been torture): well. but thank God, i've got things to do these two days so it wasn't as bad as things were on monday.
well well took up an invigilation job. pretty tiring actually. tot it's just to walk around and all that. haha. but in the end, i am super tired out from walking man. somebody save me. i'm aching all over. hah. yeap. then hung out with twin and wenjie today for lunch. then went shopping for mother's day pressie with ronald. must thank ron for e company man. if not i will really be some loner walking around in city hall. yeah.
awaiting ur return. misses.
time to sleep. goodnight.
I needed Jesus @ | 10:46:00 PM
*.* blahhhhhhhhhhhhhh *.*
sighh. a sign of overdependence on someone. once that person is not around, you feel real empty, lost, missing that person around you. sighh. save me. please come back soon! ):
well my exams are definitely over. since the 28th of apr. haha it was not a fantastic exam cos out of three, i am onli confident for one paper. sigh): but i guess i did wat i can when i wanted to do so. the rest of the time, i couldn't help but feel helpless and scared): sighhh really must work uber hard next sem.
today has been a day of bumping around and i really mean bumping. i almost sprained my ankle while i was just WALKING around the house. i hit my toe or finger, can't remember which one, dunno by wat. i was just carrying my doggy up when he almost gave me a big chew on the face. sigh. something's wrong with me today.): save me somebody.
haix. i also dunno wat to say. i just feel so sian today): luckily i'm working tml and friday. can keep my mind off some things. well.
OH! i went to the zoo with my dear dear on monday! (: had so much fun! the animals are sooooooo cute! (: haha i had so much fun there! will update the photos next time(: haha you all shld take a trip to the zoo if u have the time too(: u'll love it(:
yeah. time to sleep le. gotta get up early tomorrow. goodnight.
I needed Jesus @ | 11:00:00 PM
*.* i'm home(: *.*
haha HOME! the first thing i came home, lucky was unleashed and he came running to me! (: hahah haha yeah. i love lucky!(:
went for supper with shivas peeps last night. had prata! (: haha woke up early this morn~ well well. today's fine. a brand new start to my renewed Christian life. i'm back on the morning devotion track again. finally. haven been going in a long time. hope i'll be consistent. had one hour tut today. haha. talked about sex education. lols everyone was so active in giving their comments in class today. ha. after lesson, went for lunch with sam and nas. accompanied sam till 12+ before going back to hall to nap. so tired. haha. then ngak came over and we headed for the cathay!(: went to catch "The Leap Years". not bad lar. miss wong is SOOOO pretty! omg. i wana faint le. ahaha if onli i was half as pretty as her. lols. *dreaming*
ha yeap. walked around PS with mr ngak. haha we had dinner back in hougang. had black pepper pork chop! (: whee~! haha dear sent me home and we brought lucky for a walk! whee~! some pics for u anyway. going to bed now. goodnight! (:
I needed Jesus @ | 12:32:00 AM
*.* wrong wrong wrong.. *.*
haix. today's a wrong wrong day. woke up early, went for service, thinking that it's my turn to share my outreach testimony today. service was fine. until communion, i saw PME, she told me that i'm not supposed to be doing today. grrrr. i was like.. haix. getting into trouble with my mum.. rarrr.
after service, PKC talked to me about some stuffs. then he made some comments which made me quite sian. i mean. it's not that i din try. i did. just that i'm not that lucky. or mayb, i'm not that strong in my faith and things aren't going too well. haix. things just ain't right lar. i dunno wat i'm supposed to do, i dunno wat i'm not supposed to. i tot i was doing something right, i tot it could help the other person. but. it din turn out right. in the end, everything was pushed away from me. i'm kinda hurting inside. but i'll still keep this to myself. i just hope they'll do fine. i suppose they should. cos having someone who does e wrong things all e time will onli make matters worse.
yeah. as if all these is not enough, my mother's making noise again. she keeps harping on e fact that my brother failed his tests because the few hours that i spent trying to revise his work with him was not useful. because, i was not serious and not willing to help. oh well oh well. wat can i say? i realli wasn't too willing to help because i had my own tests to study for. but hey, i took out time and sacrificed my study time to help him and yet you're saying such stuffs. and if u wanted me to help, y such last minute work? u tink i'm God? i can help him pass with flying colours in a matter of a few hours' revision? impossible lo.
rarr. i can onli say. today is a really bad day. i hope i dun die soon. of anger. of hurt and mayb of illness. well well. it can onli get better from here i hope.
I needed Jesus @ | 12:31:00 AM
*.* cry baby cry... *.*
ah dui!!!!!!!!!!!! today ah... tiring day for me. hahaha. woke up early. yeah. went to church for BS. was kinda late. but i was the second to reach. tsk tsk. ha BS's getting pretty long nowadays. haha. ended at bout almost three. ha. but learnt alot(: then went for lunch with e tuffers. then it was time back at church. tried to do my project but not to much avail): sigh. well. the most tiring part came): had to report for my nursery duty. for the first few times in my nursery duty life, the kids started coming in early! =.= that's not the worse part. aunty jenny(my partner) was unable to come!): roar!! first, two kids came. one baby and one tod. THEN came another kid and a baby! =x TWO BABIES!!!!!! omg. i was stunned. baby julia's mummy was feeding her milk and once she was done, and about to leave, julia starting crying!! ):):): but her mummy had to go anyway. so i carried her. she started wailing): had to walk around with her in my arms, talk to her. and finally, managed to rock her to sleep in my arms. that's e key. IN MY ARMS. she never let go. she was grabbing my shirt with her hand behind on my back.
haix. the moment i try to put her in e cradle or on the bed, she cried. so, i had to carry, carry and carry. for an hour plus, i had her in my arms. sigh. finally able to let her go after that. service ended then. ha. yeah. now my arms are aching!): but i still love babies!(: haha they're still cute! (:
hees yeah yeah. sharing my testimony on outreach tml morning. at 8am.. =.= sigh. gotta go sleep already. goodnight.
I needed Jesus @ | 12:25:00 AM
Thursday, February 28, 2008
*.* mugging mugging mugging *.*
heyhey i've got complains that i have not been blogging.. hah well i tot of blogging many times but sometimes i'm just feeling lazy and dun feel like blogging at all): blahx. i apologise for all those concerned. ha i will TRY to blog more but no guarantees! well most peeps noe wat it's like in uni lar. frens, work, projects, tests... sian. haha. moreover, i stay in hall. so i'm basically in pulau NTU 24/7. how interesting can my life get?
well well. i've started to mug today! (: yeahhh!!! went to macs with my gecky darling.. dun i just miss her soooo much. haha but well we met up a few days ago too. for short moments though. haha back to geck and macs. haha. we did some catching up and talked rubbish, with me cursing some uncle who refused to hurry get out of his seat(where the power point was) so that i could connect my lappy. hahaha. i suspected he was watching porn. lols!!! oops. that's so bad of me. but yeah, he finally got out of his seat anyway. yeah.
i onli started to realli mug after 1+ (i reached at bout 12) haha. yeayea. did two chapters of stats and started on a lil of developmental psy. rarr. i'm running a lil outa time. tomorrow sat and sun is definitely off. no time to study. left with friday le. shld just mug at home le lar. too lazy to go out. yeah.
well well. relationships are tricky things. when two are far apart and dun meet up often, there's a tendency that the two will drift apart. when two are side by side, conflicts arise more often than u think. i dunno. mayb it's me. i'm trying too. but sometimes, things just dun go right. oh well. i just hope things do get better. because if it doesn't, i guess, there's only one way out. the way that many will not want to face. good luck to me.
i'm going back to my revision. oh btw, i got 44/60 for my social psy quiz. i tot it was good but guess wat? the average is 49. gosh. time to work harder..
PS i love u
I needed Jesus @ | 12:22:00 AM
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
*.* promises. *.*
well this post. is a ranting post. and i guess. some might not be happy with the content but i'm still gonna pen it down. i wun put names though.
well these few days have been really lousy days. sigh. so much happening until i dun even noe wat has happened. i onli noe. i cried myself to sleep. a bad sleep. i dun like it. i realli don't. i dun like you too. stop picking on me. you dun like me? i'm fine with it. you dun have to comment on every single thing that i do. mayb it'll be better if i leave your life isn't it? even if it's her fault, i get it too. wat logic is that! i really dun like that. i shall wait till the day you ask me to leave. i will. mark my word. it just seems, i dun matter much to you. perhaps, seeing me less will make you a happier person.
promises. aren't they supposed to be kept? if you can't keep them, isn't it the most basic courtesy to not make one? i get really irritated when people break promises. mayb sometimes you're too tired to fulfil wat u promised, sometimes, some things crop up, sometimes, you just don't feel like doing it anymore. i dunno wat to say. then think before u make your promise ba. because one's mood can change very much when hearing a promise and when having the promise broken. remember, dun make promises if you can't fulfil. it'll cause things to turn sour. i guarantee. before u know it, u might just have lost someone in your life. promises are powerful things. they can create, mend or break relationships.
enough of ranting. time to go do some happy things. goodbye.
I needed Jesus @ | 12:55:00 PM
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
*.* tears that cannot fall *.*
it's been a horrible day for me. mayb i'm too emotional. but well. the morning started off fine. cool. slept till late. woke up. had my breakfast. then read my book. suddenly. i remembered that i have to register my subjects today. looked at the time. 115pm. 15 more mins. logged on to my account. tried to register. "you are not allowed to register for course now". hmm? try again. the same msg appears. freak out. i went onto the hss web to check out my registration timing again. "psychology year ones: 6 dec 9.30am-1230pm" SHIT i just missed my actually registration timing by an hour. OMG. FREAK. asked joyce wat to do. CALL. called troy and all the funny ppl that i can. EMAIL. emailed all the people i could. no reply. well i'll just wait and see.
went out with my aunt in the afternoon. wanted to buy shoes but in the end nv bought anything. so many ppl buying things. sian. wasted a day. my mum called me at night when i was still with them. then asked if i bought my shoes. i said no. then she said i always take very long to buy one. very difficult for me to buy one lar. i got so irritated. well i din bother to argue. but well. i'm meeting babe hilda tomolo(: ha then we can go shopping together(: hope i'll be in a better mood tomorrow.
thought through the whole day. about how the missing the sub reg timing thing can happen. well. i suppose i dun have much friends in psy to start with. no one to plan my timetable with. no one to remind me of the time and date of registration. well life of a sad lonely girl. haiz pple remember to make frens in the same course. it's impt. shall end here. jiayou sweedy.
I needed Jesus @ | 12:06:00 AM
Sunday, December 09, 2007
*.* pictures *.*
lucky's got a collar..
my brother loves mr bean!
ngak lucky n me(:
guys at sentosa on 4dec2007
them again. ngak seems to love lucky! ha
the girls!(:
and the dog!(:
ronald looks like lucky doesn't he??(:
all of us!(: shivas~!
tau pok!(:
twins in action again! (:
bleah!
ain't she cool!(:
cool bugs bunny?(:
girlies @ sentosa on 6thdec07
all of us!(: TUF!(:
funny face!=P
lucky stole my cap!! *looks like jay*
hamburger darling!(:
Just some pics over in dec. (: hope you enjoy it(: i'm too lazy to type anything today. my head's spinning): blahx.
I needed Jesus @ | 7:47:00 PM
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
*.* ulcers are EEEVVVVVVIIIIILLLLLLLL!! *.*
I needed Jesus @ | 7:13:00 PM
lucky's got a collar..
my brother loves mr bean!
ngak lucky n me(:
guys at sentosa on 4dec2007
them again. ngak seems to love lucky! ha
the girls!(:
and the dog!(:
ronald looks like lucky doesn't he??(:
all of us!(: shivas~!
tau pok!(:
twins in action again! (:
bleah!
ain't she cool!(:
cool bugs bunny?(:
girlies @ sentosa on 6thdec07
all of us!(: TUF!(:
funny face!=P
lucky stole my cap!! *looks like jay*
hamburger darling!(:
