well well. today quite a dull day. was feeling sick in e morning with a heavy head and a bad runny nose the night before, so i din catch much of a sleep. woke up at 9plus with puffy eyes, bad nose and head. rar. bad morning to start the day): sigh.

had lecture. met my jc frens for lunch. and then it was my song presentation for GV17. was quite nervous. ran to the toilet twice before my performance, and went out for the third time to practise my song for one last time. yeap. and just a few ppl before it was me, i saw tim and jingyang and frens walking in(they were there to support another friend la) haha. i panicked even more. boox. more ppl to sing in front of leh. ha stress.

my turn. i sang. when i just started, i was quite unstable. haha couldn't really reach the high notes at the chorus. booo. haha but got a lil more stable as e song moved along. yupyup. overall. i tink it was an okay performance ba. yeah. haha after i sang and returned to my group, my fren turned around and told me, " haha ur voice doesn't match ur face and behaviour". lol. well. it's over le. a pat on the back for every single singer(:

then after lesson, walked back to hall with tim and jy. invited jy to my room. hah yeah. so we were slacking in my room, looking at youtube videos and all and we both got hungry. booo so we went to eat. but i dunno where i put my key! so i spent a freaking long time looking for it and jy found it on my table. lol. i searched the table a few times. haha blur me. well. i like such times of relaxing catching up. haven seen jy for such a long time. kinda miss this "playmate" haha. always disturb him and all. hope he'll be back to join us some day. MISS U! haha

yeah. and now. i'm still not feelin too good ba. physically. mentally. emotionally. sometimes i tink. i am a mental patient. one with unstable emotions. i'm just unstable. but only people who are really close see such a side of me. if any of u see me like that. u'll probably tink like the one who saw me in that state. i might need help according to wat that person said. it did sting me for a while. how someone close could say that to me. it wasn't really phrased that way but in that line. but well. mayb i do. i dunno. and sometimes i tink. mayb i'll do better in there. hah okok morbid thought. ignore that.

well. right now. i just wana stop doing the wrong things that i'm doing. i wana sin no more. no more. and. i hope that big problem can be settled. u wan it, we'll do it right. if u dun wan it, let's go on our own ways. i'm tired. u're tired too. we noe wat has been going on. if u tink u can't handle such things, then i suggest u give this whole nonsense up. because if u can't handle it now, i dun see how u can handle it in the future. dun ask me anything. make ur own decision.

i'm just in a freaking big mess. mess. i just wish i could get myself out of all these mess. sometimes i really wish my life would end here. i realli dunno if it would make any difference to ppl around me. without me in their life. would it be better? i dunno. but for now. since i'm around. all i can do is be as socially acceptable as possible. that side of me. is better to be kept within me.

i'll end this post here. i dunno how to organise the rest of the thoughts. my last few posts have been such negative posts. sigh. sweedy. look at more positive things please. just wana share the lyrics with u. the song that i sang. tink it's quite a nice song. meaningful lyrics. speaks my heart.