*.* NO MORE SPA!! WAHAHA:):):) *.*
woohoo!! had my very last SPA today!! :):) haha.. NO MORE 6 pages of crap to memorise!! haha:) yeah!! :):) sighh.. this holidays.. it's time for revisions man.. :(:( sighh.. my engine not started yet leh:( tsk.. sigh.. help me Lord!! :) i know all things are possible with you:) help me to depend on u more n more.. n not rely on my own strength to go through this terrible period.. yeah.. :) well well.. just got some shock.. :S i dun tink i wana share it here.. but well.. i just hope the other party is ok.. n i hope no one is hurt.. yeah.. realli hope friendships will not be broken because of certain things like that.. it will b a great pity if it happens.. well.. i dunno.. i' ve got so mani failed relationships.. (i mean friendships) so i guess.. well.. i'm not good at handling them ba.. :( yeah.. quite disturbed by this whole thing.. well.. i've got nothing to say leh.. i just hope things are fine.. had my last tuition with ainaa today:) haha.. but i was still fierce with her during lesson.. yeah.. cos she not attentive n lazy.. tsk.. sigh.. gave her alot of holiday homework to do.. oops.. haha.. yeah.. aniwae.. then after tuition, went for another tuition.. tsk.. went down to aljunied to tutor my cousin.. haha.. it was quite ok la.. but she din do my homework.. sigh.. made her finish it by next week.. yea.. hopefully she will.. after tuition, went to PS to meet ethel.. :) haha.. we walked around while waiting for my brother who's late.. tsk!! haha.. ya.. then ethel is supposed to shock him with her appearance.. but well.. she did it too NOT shocking-ly.. haha.. ya.. then we went to the CATHAY building.. i dunno wats its name.. haha.. went to Ben n Jerry's.. u should noe for wat.. haha.. ya.. so after eating.. me n gor gor went to watch MY MOVIE!! wahaha.. over the hedge!! :) it ROCKS man!! :) yep:) I LOVE HAMMI!! :):) haha so cutee la!! :) haha.. ethel likes the three little porcupines.. haha.. tink they quite cute too:) haha.. they can DRIVE!! wahaha:):) haha.. VERN is pretty cute.. haha.. :) i love ALL the characters la!! lols.. heather n her father.. the like-to-act-dead.. :):) wahahaha.. :):) yeah.. realli enjoyed it.. tink i'm quite tired le.. i'm sorry if i've been giving u the wrong idea.. forgive me.. i realli dunno how to respond.. i dunno.. but all i can say is.. i realli treasure this friendship.. dun wish to lose a great friend:) n a brother:) (not u hor elvin) yeah.. well.. God bless..
I needed Jesus @ | 11:20:00 PM
*.* wahaha!! HOLI... HOLI... HOLIDAY!!!! :):) *.*
woah.. it's finally the holidays man.. mine started on thursday though.. haha.. self declared.. :) yeah.. aniwae.. let's see wat i did so far.. hmm.. kinda recovered from the TERRIBLE FLU!! haha.. n i tink my mummy caught it.. sigh.. aniwae.. yeah..saturday.. din do much lo.. went tofar east with my aunt n my n cousins n siblings.. haha.. ya.. my mum n aunt were going to attend a wedding dinner so they went down to my cousin's place to have her do up their make-up:) haha.. while they were at it.. i went around with 4 kids?? aiyoyo.. i tink pple tot i'm mother of four man.. haha.. ya.. then we walked into a neoprint shop.. went to take neoprint.. :) ya... the five of us lo.. those who wana see ask from me when u see me ba.. :):) haha.. it was pretty fun.. cos the kids dun take it often so it's quite interesting to see them panic when they dun have much time to pose.. haha.. :) yup.. they got the chance to decorate it too:) haha.. yea.. my dad came to pick us up from far east while my mum n aunt walked to the hotel for the dinner.. yup yup.. :) haha.. sunday.. err.. wat did i do.. i can't remember much leh.. tsk.. my memory is failing me man.. dunno whether it's bcos of the flu.. bla.. :( aniwae.. ohh! now i remember!! let's see.. i went for tuition in the morning.. then went to my aunt's place.. slacked there for a while before me my aunt, my siblings n cousins headed for the expo.. NOT for Hi-5 concert though.. haha.. we went for the food fair.. :) ya.. it was pretty crowded.. but something funny happened.. my aunt expected expo to have an ATM machine.. ya.. so she said she'll withdraw money when we're there so we can buy things la.. ya.. so we found the ONE AND ONLY atm machine.. DBS one.. BUT!! it had to breakdown.. crap.. so we got NOO money!! haha.. i had about $12.. my aunt about $9.. my cousin had $4.. haha! we survived on that.. haha.. so u can guess.. we went around for samples.. wahaha.. onli bought 2 packets of noodles for $2 n two ice cream for $2.40.. lols.. cool huh? haha.. my younger cousin.. she damn zai can.. haha.. she see free samples.. she will CHIONG into the crowd n make sure she gets some.. haha.. my goodness.. there was one super exaggerating one la.. haha.. she went to the ba kwa stall.. she pulled up her jacket sleeves before going into the crowd to get the ba kwa.. SO FUNNY CAN!! hahaha.. aiyoyo.. but that's how we got our food lo. haha.. i was quite full ;) ya.. then we went to the mph bookfair.. haha.. looked around.. u bought a storybook for ainaa.. bought it for $5.. the wild swans.. one of my fave stories:) yea.. haha.. then my cus wanted to buy enid blyton's books.. 3 for $10.. we got just enough money for it.. not much money left ma.. but after queuing.. she decided not to buy cos she scared we'll b broke.. lols.. so cute.. she's the one who is so on about free samples.. haha!! yea.. then after that we went to hougang mall.. yeah.. haha.. just walked around lo.. found atm machine so we weren't that broke animore.. haha.. :):) so funny leh.. then went for dinner first.. i din feel like eating much so i just ate dessert:) haha.. ya.. then my crazy cousins saw poh kim n they were showing da chang jin on the tv outside.. haha.. so we stood there n watched for a while.. lols! ya.. then went to popular.. bought a photo album while my cousin bought some other stuff.. :) yup yup.. then went home le.. yeah.. mummy fell sick.. she's got flu too! so she ate my medicine.. got no more for me le. but i dun tink i've fully recovered.. :( sigh.. yeah.. but i'm somewhat ok le la.. just get a little tired n breathless easily.. sounds quite serious.. but i tink nothing much one la.. oh but i've got a headache!! :( since this morning!! tsk!! on n off.. so i onli managed to study for bio SPA today.. tsk.. took one whole day to.. sigh.. oh n did plan this week's time table.. hopefulli i'll adhere to it.. yeah.. tink i'm going off le.. headache's quite bad:( sigh.. goodnightey..
I needed Jesus @ | 11:37:00 PM
*.* such a pig!! :s *.*
sighhh!! aiyoyo.. i am such a pig man.. woke up at bout 10+ this morning.. then ate n took my medicine.. went to pick my brother up from school at 12+.. went to buy lunch.. n came home to eat.. yeah.. took my medicine after my meal again.. n i guess the medicine din take long to take effect.. cos after a while.. i was kinda tired n went to sleep at 3+ le.. yeah.. set my alarm to get up at bout 515 to cook porridge for dinner.. BUT!! i off the alarm when it sounded.. :( then went back to sleep.. woke up at 545 the next moment.. jumped out of bed:( but my sister cooked the porridge le.. ya.. then i went back to sleep.. cos dun feel that i've slept enough.. :( ya.. woke up at 8 the next moment.. then went to bathe lo.. my whole body still feels so tired.. :( sigh.. how.. i feel as though i'm gonna die soon le la.. :( haha.. wun la wun la.. unless God decides to take me soon.. but i noe.. i'm not prepared.. i'm like.. lost.. lost my way.. lost focus.. i dunno.. i'm trying to get back on that small track.. but i'm always so tired physically.. n something like QT is something that i easily say no to.. sigh.. :( help me Lord.. help me to love u more each day.. help me to keep my focus on u.. i need u Lord..
I needed Jesus @ | 9:48:00 PM
*.* tiredd:( *.*
ahhh!!! i wana complain!!! :( :( sigh.. woke up this morning.. spent a long time tinking if i should go to school.. finally came to the decision that i will stay at home.. yea.. then msged some pple n told them i'll not b in school.. then got a few calls.. asking me why i'm not in school.. of which one was from my civics tutor.. she said i had to settle my exam fees by today.. so i had to go down to school by ten this morning.. yeah.. so i got down to school.. wat a wondersul school i have man.. all the stupid systems.. those in school had to b kept in there till like 4pm.. if u wana leave early, u have to get the form for permission to leave early n that has to b signed by ur CT n a HOD.. my goodness.. i where got energy to go search hi n low for the teachers.. so i tot.. i'll just wait lo.. but well.. wanted to go home le.. but couldn't leave..the onli way i could get out of school.. was to take the supporter's bus to jurong to support the badminton finals.. so i boarded the bus with poh ricky n liang liang.. ya.. we then took the train.. off we went from juron.. :( stupid la.. went one big round:( sigh...ya.. got home aniwae.. was at hougang.. it was pouring.. took the bus home to get my hougang polyclinic appointment card.. ya.. was in the rain for a while.. got home.. then got my stuff n headed for the polyclinic.. :S sigh.. so tired la.. then waited for so long.. n after that, walked home from the clinic.. sigh.. came home.. took the medicine.. then went to sleep le.. just woke up not long ago n took a bath.. n i'm sleepy again:( sigh.. so i'm going off soon le.. tired.. n having a headache le.. tink i'll go sleep soon..
I needed Jesus @ | 10:34:00 PM
*.* second is good too:) well done soccer girls! we are proud of u!! :) *.*
wah.. some time since i last blogged.. let's see wat i did today.. :( i'm having a bad throat.. :( sigh.. think it's all thanks to the chocolate cake n the cheering n screaming.. haha.. sigh.. haha.. well well.. baked the cake yesterday night.. aiyo.. so tiring.. sighh.. n i had most of my ingredients.. just enough to make the cakes.. but.. i had to spill the cup of buttermilk on the floor.. :( sigh.. so i had to go down to kovan to get a new pack:( sigh.. haha.. then i took the wrong bus from kovan which took a longer route home:( argh.. sigh.. but got home n continued.. onli finishing washing up n everything at bout 12.. :( sigh.. haha.. so this morning.. woke up realli tired:( sigh.. then my dad fetched me to school lo.. yeah..so had celebration during civics.. haha.. asked the guys to go buy the match sticks.. but the onli arrived after mrs chua arrived.. so we had to stop mrs chua outside the classroom.. haha.. so funny.. lols.. then the cele went on.. it was realli great:) yeah.. :):) haha.. then after that, a group of us left for the lavender.. went to jalan bersah stadium to watch our soccer girls in action:) haha.. we were there early.. managed to catch the SAJC vs SRJC match.. so funny.. cos SAJC had celestine as the captain n SR had Nurul as the captain.. wah.. both from PL one leh.. haha.. quite zai ah.. haha.. aniwae.. SA won 7-0 n so they were in third place.. :) then the TJC vs VJC one.. sigh.. we lost.. 2-0.. but the girls played well especially my nana!! :) my soccer idol man! :) wahaha.. realli proud of u girls! :) well done:) after the match, left with cheryl, elicia, esther, bev n ricky.. we all headed for bugis.. haha.. then i left them for my church frens.. haha.. yeah.. met ethel wendy ting an elvin n jason.. wendy left first n the rest of us went for dinner.. was realli tired so was kinda restless.. din talk much lo.. ya.. throat pain some more.. :( so din realli eat.. ate water melon:) haha.. brother helped me to buy a bottle of mineral water.. haha. thanks:) yeah.. wanted to buy doughnut from my fave shop but closed le:( sigh.. so din eat le.. then walked around in parco with ethel n jason.. the other two left first.. yep.. then nothing much le.. yea.. tired le.. gonna sleep liao.. nite
I needed Jesus @ | 10:59:00 PM
*.* i've made a cakeee!! :) *.*
hmm.. i realised i haven added an entry since thursday? haha.. but i can't remember much of thursday.. hmm.. can onli remember yesterday.. haha! yesterday.. school as usual la.. haha.. had chem spa though.. but it was ok lo.. memorising as usual.. haha.. totalli useless man.. lols.. yeah.. hope can do well ba.. aniwae.. ya.. the after school, had tuition with ainaa.. :) haha.. her mum said her grades improved:):):) haha.. CHEERS!! :) yeah.. hopefully it'll continue to increase:) tink next wednesday will b my last session with her le:( sob sob.. sigh.. she's so sweet leh.. she wrote me a little letter.. haha.. she drew two girls.. one me n her.. haha.. i've got a long dress:) lols.. haha..n here's wat she said.. :) "Thank you for teaching me and taking care of me. And i wish that i have a person like you and my wish come true. i like you to be my sister. I keep the secret but noe i told u. I will remember you forever and your kindness to me. You are the person where i see. I like you so much. If you are not teaching me anymore, I will buy you something big. You are very kind to me." :):) haha.. she sounds like a little admirer of mine.. wahaha.. but she's so cute!! haha.. so touched.. n i'm glad i managed to help her in her grades.. :) well well... after tuition, supposed to go cut hair one.. :( but tink i got no time.. cos i was supposed to go for a dance concert that night.. so.. i had to rush home.. then go pick my brother up from my aunt's house n shun bian get the camera from her.. ya.. then came home, vacuumed the floor.. then bathed n tried hard to match my clothes.. haha.. din come up with a very good match aniwae.. then rushed out of my house.. took 132 to ang mo kio and then to city hall n walked to suntec.. supposed to meet the cheryl and the climbers to go to kallang theatre together.. ya.. i was kinda late.. yeah.. sighh.. we got there aniwae.. n was quite earli:):) haha.. we were there.. started late some more:( sigh.. ya.. well the concert was pretty good:):) haha.. some parts quite boring la.. but i realli loved the last item!! :) the one that they performed for SYF.. :):) it was realli good man!!! :) ya.. the overall was ok ba:) then reached home at bout 12.. :S haha.. was realli tired.. so washed up n went to bed le.. woke up at bout 10 this morning.. n went swimming with my aunt at 1045.. ya.. was quite tired.. hmm.. then went to hougang central there to get some baking stuffs.. came home n baked.. realised that i dun have a small baking tin.. hmms.. haha.. found a substitute.. :S haha.. the cake came out as quite a thin layer.. but not bad la.. can eat lo.. haha.. my siblings say nice.. dunno real or not.. kept some for my class pple to try.. then see if they want it for my CT's birthday cake:) yeah.. it turned out quite ok lo.. ya.. went for dinner at central with my family.. :) ate zhu3 cao3.. ya.. not bad lo.. haha.. i'm veh full!! haha.. then we walked around to look look n see see.. shun bian digest my food.. ya.. n now i'm home.. n i'm listening to HORRIBLE music.. from a woman.. wat kind of of music?? think quite obvious ba.. from my mum.. well well.. wats with her i dunno.. hmm.. when i was in secondary school, in GB, i always feared asking her if i could go for GB activites.. ya.. cos whenever i had to ask her to sign the consent forms, she will start a whole lecture.. ask me which is not compulsory n stuff.. wah.. it's realli irritating la.. n moreover when i'm one of the leaders, it's realli difficult la.. wat the.. crap!! n now, she's doin it to my sister.. so i was like telling her.. she needs a good CCA record for her life la.. please.. n i was like so irritated.. i was like telling her.. when i was in GB she also like that.. then she's like starting a whole LECTURE here.. say without her i wun b alive.. alright.. kill me then.. so irritating.. then she's like.. i b my sister's mother lo.. wat crap.. i realli had enough le la.. she's FREAKING irritating.. i was in a good mood n now.. she spoilt it.. realli hate this.. she come home onli.. make so much noise.. ok ok.. my fault ok.. irritating.. i'm going offline now le.. i can't stand her rubbish animore.. FREAKING IRRITATING.. AHH.. bye bye.. and one more thing.. i'm 17 leh.. i have to ask u for permission to go out? please la! n then i go out.. she not happy.. wat the hell.. u tink i'm 3 years old? under ur control all the time? please lo.. u GO N TAKE A LOOK OUTSIDE.. how mani 17 year olds go to their mums and ask, "mummy can i go out tomorrow?" i tink, the most they say to their mum is "mummy i'm going out with so-and-so at wat time.. " SIAN la.. i hate this life man.. i'm GOING TO SLEEP!! cannot take it animore le..
I needed Jesus @ | 10:57:00 PM
*.* it's ok.. all of u did ur best n i'm proud of u all:) *.*
sighhhh.. :( TJ lost to AJ in the finals for vball :( :( sigh.. well.. but!! it was realli a super exciting match!! i realli loved to boys man!! they played their best! even though they were losing the set, they still put in the effort to earn points.. n not have the idea of giving up:) :) realli i'm realli so so proud to tell pple that they are MY TJ TEAM!!:) yeah.. so i hope they'll b fine.. pretty worried for ron.. sigh.. he's pretty affected by it.. once again.. :( gosh.. i tink he's going into another depression man.. sighh.. Lord.. please help him.. get over it.. welll it was such an exciting match.. twinnie was there:):) haha.. ya.. she was trying hard to find me n vice versa. ahaha.. but managed to find each other in the end.. then we went to the centre of the TJ n AJ crowd.. haha.. so we were the hybrids.. lols.. that's quite lame.. sigh.. TJ was doing quite well until the fourth set.. :s.. sigh.. dunno wat happened.. :( but well.. at least they still tried their best ba.. :) yeah.. n in the last deciding match, we lost to AJ with the score of 11-15.. :( so close.. sigh.. BUT i repeat.. I AM PROUD OF TJ VBALL TEAM!! :):) WELL DONEE!!! :) yeah.. had a good time with twinnie after the match.. haha.. we went to Bk for dinner.. ate mushroom swiss student's meal.. :) haha.. then we talked about our lives.. yeah.. then we walked around in central.. then talk talk talk.. haha.. ya.. then i wanted to waste time so i took the bus with her to her house bus stop.. :S haha.. then took to somewhere n took 28 to bedok.. then took 854 home.. hahaha.. a BIG round.. lols.. but i was studying on the bus.. well i have my reasons for doing this la.. yeah.. so.. well.. ya.. was trying to sleep on the bus.. then this man sitting behind me.. was talking soooo loudly.. tsk! i noe he was talking bout someone cheating his money or something.. then complaining about this fren of his.. and apparently he's a Christian.. yeah.. so i was like.. ARGH.. KEEP QUIET.. n finally.. he put down the phone.. my goodness.. relief to my poor ears.. :( haha.. then when i was on bus 28, the bus conductor came on the bus somewhere in toa payoh.. then he checked my card la.. then he went up.. then there was an empty seat in front.. the normal seat.. i was sitting on the ones facing the sides.. so i moved in front.. after a while, the bus conductor came down.. then he checked the cards again cos it was a different group of pple le.. but when he came to me.. i tot he knew he checked mine le.. so i din take out.. but he asked me for mine again.. tsk.. so i took it out again.. hahayeah.. i'm finally home now.. tiredd.. soo tired.. yeah.. tired of so many things.. in so many ways.. i need a long break from this world.. sigh.. i wana DISAPPEAR..
I needed Jesus @ | 10:21:00 PM
*.* danger in loving somebody too much.. it's sad when u noe, it's ur heart they can't touch.. *.*
well well.. another song that tells of the story in my heart.. sweedy's totalli down down down.. she's not the old sweedy animore.. the one who smiles all the time.. anitime aniwhere.. no more.. the sweedy u see now.. is a broken hearted sweedy.. she feels that.. her heart.. is totalli torn apart.. broken.. it can't b fixed.. no expert will b able to get it fixed.. never.. pple always say.. time will heal all wounds.. well.. it doesn't seem so for some cases.. i dunno how to handle watever it is.. i realli am very tired of facing all the silly problems.. so.. it's either things get better or it never will.. i'm TIRED.. i've got no energy to bother about anithing more than school work, my walk with God and my relationship with my family.. so i'm telling u.. that i realli am tired.. even for some other cases.. i'm tell another u that i'm tired too.. u love her as ur fren yet such is happening.. i dun wana guess animore.. i dun wana worry about why u're like that n u're not willing to open up.. then i'll leave u as u are.. i wun try to probe animore.. to me.. it's an open relationship that keeps me going on.. it's difficult for me to stay in a relationship with anyone who.. perhaps.. try to keep things to oneself.. not easy for me to relate to such pple ba.. ya.. so when i face u.. it'll b pretty fake.. i may appear as though i'm fine with it.. but well.. sweedy's hurt basically.. but i guess.. u had better just leave sweedy alone cos she's probably better off in her own world.. there's this longing in me.. to just take a hot air balloon.. n off i go.. i'm not coming back.. it's not as though many pple will b sad.. probably just my family members and a few closer friends.. well.. take it that i'm selfish.. i realli can't take all these crap that i'm facing.. perhaps.. it's just me. n i expect too much from a human relationship.. but.. well.. many times. pple fail me.. i get upset.. i feel.. i dunno.. i feel like a spare tyre? i onli am needed when u need me.. if not.. u're not realli talking.. n i dunno la.. i'm closing up le.. i'm gonna live in my own world with me myself n no one else.. sorry everyone else.. leave me alone.. i should b fine.. i'm physically tired too.. by the load of work i'm getting from school.. well well.. life is like that.. ya.. pple tell me that.. but well.. when u're like me.. in this stage.. i dun tink u can rationally conclude that.. yes.. life is like that.. i'm sure u'll react the way i am reacting.. wat can i say? well.. sweedy's realli tired that's all... i hate myself.. i hate this world.. TAKE ME AWAY!!
I needed Jesus @ | 10:12:00 PM
*.* are u my friend? *.*
well.. din come online yesterday.. went swimming with my aunt in the morning.. at bout 11.. :) it was good.. yeah.. then after swimming, went for lunch near my aunt's place.. then she n my cousins went home to change into their "go-out" clothes.. then we headed for my place.. my turn to change.. haha.. then i shun bian put my bedsheet into the washing machine.. yeah.. then we rested in my place till bout 3.. then we went out again.. sent my cousins to their tuition centre, then went to pp with my siblings n my aunt.. we ordered a cheesecake for mother's day.. yup.. then walked around.. haha.. went to macs.. ordered fries n stuff.. then my aunt wanted to try mcafe's cuppucino.. so i asked the aunty.. how big is the small size one.. then she showed me a ring with her thumb n second finger.. i was like.. super small.. then i told my aunt then she said take large one lo.. my goodness.. the large one.. almost as LARGE as palm can.. gosh.. then we helped my aunt drink lo.. although i dun like coffee.. just drank lo.. :s haha.. ya.. then looked around for mother's day present.. nothing much.. :( yeah.. stayed in pp till bout 8 i tink.. then my aunt drove us home.. then came home.. swept the floor.. then did my own things.. janice called me to chat n i found out somethings that i never knew.. oh well.. she has a blog.. n i nv knew.. i dunno if i remembered wrongly.. that i asked her n she said no.. well.. wat can i do if she refuses to tell me.. so b it then.. n some other things as well ba.. it realli made me realise.. sweedy. are ur friends realli friends? are those whom u realli put in effort to make birthday cards.. create birthday surprises.. these pple whom u try to save up money just to get them some things or presents worth ur friendship? i realli dunno.. pple whom you try wholeheartedly to b a good friend to, to make them feel happy. to make them feel comfortable.. but i seem to have failed.. cos in the end.. i realised.. that i have lost a lot of them.. mayb not physically lose them.. but i lost them.. their hearts.. i dunno if i even had them before.. that night, was the worst night ever in my life.. my life has always been built on friends i realli depended on.. but since some time ago. i realised.. that these friends, dun seem to b friends.. God, i am totalli lost now.. lost in the woods.. with no compass.. no stars in the skies to guide me.. no one.. no one is there.. God.. are u there? i dunno too.. i'm.. i dunno.. i'm breaking down.. i realli dread going to school.. cos.. cos.. i know u noe why.. tears.. they forced themselves out.. i tried to hold them back.. but it just hurt too much.. i realised.. i not onli have problems in my relationship with my family.. but now.. even in my friendships.. which i greatly depended on to carry on with life.. but now.. i dunno wat i'm going to depend on.. i want to depend on God.. there's something that's stopping me.. something that's causing me to b unwilling to let Him handle everything.. something out there.. which i dunno wat it is.. i may noe.. but i dunno.. i dunno wat i'm talking about.. i dunno wat i'm doing.. i dunno where i'm heading.. i dunno.. i tink.. for now.. it's just best to leave me alone.. i need a break from this world.. or.. it's even better if i part with it.. perhaps in the past.. the thing that i wouldn't bear to part with.. is human relationships.. but now.. if u take me away.. i dun tink i'll b unwilling to part with anithing.. perhaps some.. but.. i've realli lost that fear of losing some pple.. some pple whom i held dear.. no more.. no longer.. i dunno how i should react to these pple now.. pretend i din noe anithing and continue to act like their so close to me? or just keep myself in one corner? isolate myself from the whole world? the onli thing i feel in my heart now.. is pain.. i'm hurting.. aching.. it's bleeding.. it broke.. how am i gonna fix it? i dun tink there's aniwae.. God.. take me away please.. i'll probably not go to heaven cos i'm such a sinful soul.. i dunno.. LOST.. that's all i have to sae.. i dun wana face all these animore.. it's gonna b realli awkward n fake when i face these pple.. help me someone.. take me away.. save me.. mother's day? not a realli good one today.. dun wish to further elaborate.. it's a cold war i guess. i dun wish to talk about anithing to anione.. bcos.. i'm afraid.. this broken heart will b torn apart further.. it's already badly tattered n torn.. leave it alone please.. if u come with the intention to crush it, leave it alone before i tear u into pieces.. LEAVE ME ALONE
I needed Jesus @ | 12:04:00 AM
*.* relieved.. yet.. *.*
wah.. after soo longg.. i finally settled my prob with janice.. i almost cried in front of the computer.. :( but i din la.. yeah.. i saw her online today.. then was contemplating if i should talk to her.. wanted to ask her if she's been talking to ron.. ya.. n so i did.. she said she did n she said ron was ok.. well.. ya.. so we started talking.. n i was convinced that ron was ok lo.. then i was like veh ke qi.. thanked her for listening to me.. then i apologised about wat heppened in the past.. yeah.. then she was like.. can we patch up.. well well.. i tink.. it's all pride in the past.. whenever i saw her.. i realli wanted to give her a nice smile:) but.. i never did.. realli never did.. i pretended i never saw her.. well.. but i'm realli glad things are fine now.. on the other hand.. sometimes.. i feel realli hurt? i dunno if hurt is the word.. but ya.. when i have find out about the condition of a fren from other frens.. i dunno.. it's not once or twice that such things have happened to me.. but.. i realli feel like crying too.. sometimes.. it makes me wonder.. even friends which i realli consider pple who are closest to me.. friends whom i consider good or even best frens.. when u try to find out things from them.. all they say is.. i'm ok.. or.. nothing la.. alright.. i mean.. when u're not ur own self.. u're obviously not ok ma.. i realli hate this kind of environment.. i guess.. mayb it's just me.. pple dun tink information is safe with me.. or.. they're just not comfortable with sharing with me.. i dunno.. well.. if that's the case.. i can't do anithing but just feel sad. i've failed as a friend i guess.. dun call me a friend then.. sigh.. watever it is.. "tears are precious.. dun waste them" i'll remember this phrase always.. thanks brother..
I needed Jesus @ | 11:24:00 PM
*.* i saw KELLY POON!! :):) *.*
heh.. let's see.. thursday.. err.. can't realli remember wat happened.. but in the day.. school was as usual la.. hahaha.. yeah... but was pretty tired la.. ya.. went right home after school.. heh.. but.. the night was bad.. reminded my mum that i'll b going out today.. ya.. told her that i'm going out in the morning.. yeah.. then after that.. we headed to the temple.. :( to bathe the buddha la.. sian.. then in the car, she was asking me if can change the time or something.. sian.. ya.. then i was like cannot... cos we going for klunch at kbos.. then it starts at 11 ma.. then she not happy.. say i always go out.. sian.. then i was like.. din wana talk to her la.. throughout the time at the temple.. i din wana talk too.. yeah.. then we were there till like 10+.. my goodness.. so late.. then reached home at bout 12+.. tired le so i went to sleep.. woke up at 7 this morning.. :( to the temple again.. ya.. then after that, we went for breakfast.. ate chee cheong fun.. haha.. ya.. then my aunt drove my aunt to her workplace.. then we headed for my grandma's house:) ya.. then my aunt left for jurong.. i took 123 from commonwealth to orchard.. n took a train to dhoby ghaut.. ya.. then when i reached there.. onli ting an was there.. well.. then kenny, suan ju n sarah reached too.. but i din realli talk.. just read my maths notes.. ya.. then ethel came le.. haha.. ya.. after a while.. we left for paradiz centre.. :) haha.. n i remembered that i was there b4.. with yong kang.. hmmm.. well well.. ya.. so we started our kbox SINGING at 11.. :) yup.. but ah.. throughout the whole thing.. i tink i sang the most leh.. :S sigh.. sarah n suan ju keep dun wana sing.. sarah not so bad la.. haha.. then the guys.. onli sing the songs they picked.. tsk.. but it was quite ok la.. at least got ethel to pei me.. :) haha.. then time was up le.. but we just sang on lo.. haha! until it was the second reminder that we had to go.. hahaha.. so funny:) ya.. aniwae.. after kbox, we went to PS.. ya.. was looking for presents for my friend n my mother..we walked around n went into one shop.. n i saw shi xin hui.. i was like.. ok lo.. then i heard a familiar voice.. i turned around, i saw KELLY:):) hahaha.. wanted to like go take picture with her one lo.. haha.. but shy la.. so din dare to.. hees.. she looked so pretty:) hees.. ya.. haha.. but well.. din take pic with her.. then i msged ron.. told him i saw her.. haha.. but no reply from him.. hope he's ok leh.. hmmmm.. aniwae.. ya.. so we walked around till bout 4+.. i was realli tired le.. so i left first.. n now i'm home.. tired.. sigh
I needed Jesus @ | 6:11:00 PM
*.* madness!!! :s *.*
sighh.. haven blogged for like for some time.. sigh.. school is realli madness this week la.. :( sunday.. spent my whole day studying for chem n bio.. :( totalli madness!! sighh.. :(:(monday.. the tests.. chem test was the first in the morning.. well expected la.. if i can pass.. it'll b by God's grace man.. :( nothing much that i studied came out.. oh well then school.. tireddddd.. :( bio was at the end.. bio mock SPA.. siao.. 4 FULL pages to memorise la.. sian.. n i forgot about one section.. see wat my teacher says la:( sigh.. then sneeze sneeze n sneeze again :( used up another three packs of tissue:( sigghhh.. my nose is DROPPING!!! had handball for PE.. quite ok lo.. but the teacher joined my team cos he said we were weak.. ASS!! then the moment he gets the ball.. he ONE MAN SHOW lo.. then we just watch him play.. SIAN.. wat an irritating teacher.. tuesday.. went to school tiredd.. yeah.. was hoping so badly that there wun b bio make up lesson n THANK GOD!! miss tiew wasn't in school.. cos she sprained her ankle.. i'm not thanking God that she did la.. hahaha.. but thanking Him that there's no bio make up:):) haha.. then me n cheryl went for the volleyball semi finals.. :):) haha.. saw sharon n sarah so we took the supporter's bus together:):) haha.. yeah.. it was tjc against vjc.. vj is supposed to b weaker than aj.. so they shouldn't have much difficulty winning them.. but... tjc's team was kinda off form leh.. :( was so worried for them.. ron looked like he was so irritated with himself cos he made some mistakes.. sigh.. n some others in the team too.. :( was SOSOSO WORRIED for all of them can.. the score was going up one point on each side.. my goodness.. the supporters were scared la.. tsk tsk.. but the team din fail us.. :) they won aniwae:) well done boys:):) yup yup.. there were some totalli BEAUTIFUL shots n saves:):) haha.. yup.. so it wasn't that bad after all:) yeah.. but overall, the team's morale was quite low.. sigh.. :( yeap.. today.. wednesday.. it's thursday tomolo!!! :) n it's HOLIDAY after thursday!! :) haha.. aniwae.. today.. not that good a day.. sigh.. school.. maths test.. :( dunno can pass not.. sian.. then it was break break n break.. sigh.. then i dunno la.. i was tired so i slept lo.. n somethings happened today.. that realli made me feel down.. sigh.. well dun wana talk about it here la.. sian.. aniwae.. had lunch with my beloved CG.. (it's always me asking to meet for lunch..) aniwae.. ya.. all of us were there.. except my idol.. ron tan.. sigh.. then we saw him at the hawker with his frens.. me n mel went to like disturb him.. but he sian sian one:( sigh.. ya lo.. then after lunch, went for civics.. sex education.. last week i was quite SHOCKED.. i tot most pple in tj had the idea that pre-marital sex is NOT ok as long as it is pre-marital.. but!! wat i heard is a revelation to me man!! my goodness!! heard from some pple that.. it's ok like after their studies.. GOSH. i was totalli SHOCKED.. oh man.. realli.. i dunno wat to say.. but for myself.. it's after marriage.. yeah.. then after civics.. it was career talk.. went for the social work one.. well.. i dunno if i'm sure of wat i wana b.. wat i wana study.. well.. God knows best.. Lord.. show me the way.. yeah...today.. had the experience of walking around AIMLESSLY.. seriously.. sigh.. there isn't BS today.. so.. i went out to study.. can't go home if not my mum will sure suspect.. well.. so i went to heartland mall.. then walked the levels not knowing wat i was looking for n where i was going.. i just walked.. walked into shops.. walked out of shops.. onli bought some pens from popular.. then i decided to go to macs to sit down n study.. yeah.. then b4 i reached heartland, msged some frens to see if they were free.. well.. none of them were.. :( sigh. so i was walking around n studied alone:( until i got a call from miss gecky:):) haha.. she said she needed to get something from heartland. so she'll come down.. :) yeah.. so we met n went to get her ankle guard.. she bought one for bout 18 bucks.. but after she paid n tried it on, it was too loose for her.. OH NO!! but cannot refund money:( sigh.. so we spent a long time in the shop.. looking for wat to exchange.. after a long while, we decided on a shoe bag lo.. i bought it.. 19.90. yeah.. mayb my sis can use.. we'll share it la.. ya.. haha.. so after that we went to guardian pharmacy to look for ankle guard again.. haha.. finally, she found one that she liked.. :) haha.. fitting n comfortable.. the tag on the shelf said it was on offer at 10+.. but when we went to the counter.. we realised that it's like 21+.. aiyoyo.. but my dear gecky said it's ok.. cos she liked it.. haha.. so we took it lo.. yup.. then the two of us just walked around.. ya.. chatted n crapped n stuff:) had a good time.. haha.. yeah.. thanks for accompanying me girl:) muacks.. haha.. so after all.. i walked to the bus stop with her.. n decided to take 113 with her to waste some time.. hees.. ya.. reached home at bout 9+:) haha.. then shared the sushi n chocolate that i bought:) haha.. yeah.. tink i'm going to sleep soon le.. tiredd liao.. goodnights:):)
I needed Jesus @ | 10:33:00 PM
*.* polling day.. hmm.. *.*
haha.. it's polling day leh.. hmm.. but i'm not realli bothered bout it.. hees... watching the report now lo.. haha.. alot won by PAP.. hmm.. so far onli two if i remember correctly.. won by WP(hougang) n SDA's Chiam See Tong(Potong Pasir).. hmm.. i dunno.. i realli dunno wat is wat.. good or bad.. we'll see lo.. hmmwell well.. went to geck's house just now.. to finish up wen xiu's present.. hees.. she said she put some pieces together le.. but.. the remaining pieces dun match.. hmm.. ya lo.. so i went there.. then we took out those pieces that aren't part of the main picture.. (the totally yellow or green in the background) ya.. then we had no choice le.. look at the numbers behind.. haha.. ya.. it helped la.. but not very very much.. well. but all went well lo:) yup yup.. and.. i just had a bad time.. :( sigh.. all thanks to that stupid sibling of mine.. always getting ME into trouble with my mum.. quarrelled with her man.. realli cannot take it.. she was like saying that i din help my brother.. check if he did his work.. hello!! i've got a whole load of work leh.. i already asked him to do.. i dun have the time to check if it's correct.. but at least i noe he did his work.. i made him learn his spelling n spent TIME to test him as well.. is that not enough? i haven finished my work at all.. i could have spent the time to study for my test.. which i have a few tests this coming week.. why should i bother to help him? sian.. i do also get scolded.. i dun do also get scolded.. i might as well dun bother at all? save my time n energy.. especially when i have to shout at him to do his work.. sian.. i am tired le la.. so much is happening in my life.. this small brain n heart of mine(not literately) cannot take all these.. i realli am tired le.. pple.. please.. let me go.. stop torturing me.. stay away from me.. or else.. i'll soon.. go crazy..
I needed Jesus @ | 10:13:00 PM
*.* saturday:( sigh.. *.*
my usual boring saturdays.. realli hate staying at home looking after that two siblings of mine who are totally out of control.. :( sigh.. cannot stand them man.. sian.. realli HATE to b doing this.. n told my mum that i'm going to my fren's place AFTER MY DAD REACHES HOME.. n she made a big fuss over it.. say i every saturday also want to go out.. sian.. it's not as though i'm leaving them at home without anione else around rite? it's like.. AFTER MY DAD REACHES HOME?? if i dun bother about them, do u tink i'll wait till my dad is home? please lo.. n look at the pple of my age.. how mani of them are like me? have to ask for permission to go out? please leh.. i'm already 18 leh.. sian.. n i always stay at home every sat.. n when my frens ask me out in the afternoons.. i can't make it all the time.. do u know this is also affecting my friendships?? i'm losing touch with alot of pple bcos of this?? u'll never noe i guess.. cos most of the time, u are the one outside.. u sae u are working n u're tired.. then wat about me? i'm not tired? why not u go study? i mean.. i dunno.. it seems to b my fault all the time.. my sister doesn't fold the clothes n u sae i'm not helping.. excuse me.. i dun want to bring this up all the time.. but it's realli irritating when u always put the blame on me just bcos i'm the eldest.. does it mean that i have to SERVE that two at home while they just enjoy their time playing n watching tv? i've got my own load of work to do.. please.. aniwae.. yesterday, after the vball match.. i forgot to mention.. haha.. it was quite funny.. haha! in the morning, met cheryl at the 229 bus stop.. when we arrived opposite school, cheryl wanted to go buy something to eat.. we saw a stall set up outside this bakery.. then we went to look.. then got some colouring books n stuff.. i wanted to buy one for ainaa... finalli saw them.. haha.. then i looked at the stack of colouring books.. i saw one my melody one.. wahaha!! then reminded me of ron tan!! wahaha.. cos he put my melody pic as his msn dp.. ahaha.. so i told him that if i see anithing that has my melody pics, i'll buy it for him.. wahaha.. so i bought it for him!! wahaha.. n i bought a roll of scotch tape.. with the cartoon characters also lo.. hahaha.. :) then after the vball match.. haha.. saw that ron tan.. then passed it to him.. wahaha.. he was like.. laughing his head off.. then ask me go fly kite! wahahaha.. then i asked him to pass the M-I-C-K-E-Y- MOUSE scotch tape to shengli wahaha!! so funny.. lols.. yeah.. tink i better go do my hw le.. :( sigh.. tired.. sian.. irritated..
I needed Jesus @ | 1:40:00 PM
*.* wo ye hen xiang ta *.*
hmm nice song rite? super sad:( sigh.. aniwae.. it does tell of my feelings too.. sigh.. not in the context of the song la.. haha.. i realli miss some friends of mine.. my sec school friends.. n some other friends that have distanced.. well.. i realli find such situations a great pity.. especially when friends were so close last time.. but now.. bcos of separations(all to different schools) or some other reasons.. well.. i dunno how i can solve problems.. the onli thing i can do is to try to close the gap.. but i dun tink it'll work when the other party doesn't wana "cooperate".. well i'm thankful that not all my frens are like that.. i just met up with geck ying n had a real good time:) i realli treasure such frenships:) aniwae.. today was a fine day.. school ended at 1250.. then me n cheryl took the supporters' bus to CCAB to support the volleyball guys:) haha.. it was realli exciting man.. haha.. we first watched the VJC girls VS SAJC girls.. not bad.. haha.. pretty exciting.. :) haha.. then watched the NYJC girls VS TJC girls.. exciting one too.. of course the highlight of the day.. was the guys match.. TJC vs AJC.. wow.. tell u.. if u have a weak heart.. it's not a match for u to watch.. haha.. the scores were like increasing one point a side.. take turns to increase.. wa.. but in the end.. TJC won:) oh yeah!! TJC rocks man! haha.. n i told cheryl.. haha.. my idol is RON TAN man! hahaha.. wah see him jump ah.. realli like monkey can.. n he jump le.. then stay in the air for a few secs beofre coming down.. wah.. n he realli ah.. damn zai! haha.. cool man.. hahaha.. yup.. then came home with cheryl after that lo. :) haha.. she came to my house cos she din noe where to head for.. haha.. yephad a good time today:) going to bathe now.. yup yup.. :)
I needed Jesus @ | 8:20:00 PM
*.* tiredd leh.. i dun wana go school:( *.*
sigh.. so tiring.. :( been complaining that i'm tired.. realli tired:( sian.. everytime i'm home.. it's the same old thing.. do homework.. go online chat n do research if i need to.. then do my QT n go sleep.. next day wake up at 6 n off to school i go.. sian.. n here i am.. blogging bout my day.. sighyesterday.. school was nothing much lo.. as usual.. then had tuition with ainaa after school.. :( she still cannot memorise her time table.. hmm.. n i'm pushing her real hard cos her mum told me that she's having her maths paper next week.. yeah.. so i'm like making her do alot of questions.. tink quite maddening.. :( yeah.. then after tuition, went down to church.. yeap.. ting an n clarence were there when i reached.. din talk much.. n took out my work to do.. haha.. then the rest came n ethel too:):) haha.. yup.. well got to know a saddening news.. BS most probably changed to saturday.. n i'm in another group.. with the JC pple(which onli has me, twinnie, chang yuan n rong en) sigh.. no more ethel:(:( sob sob.. changes are taking place in other areas too.. sigh.. then after the meeting, we went to the punggol nasi lemak shop down the road to have dinner.. haha.. i ate a chicken wing:):) haha.. fattening though.. hees.. ya.. then planned outing for next friday.. haha.. most probably going KBox:):) hahaha.. so long nv go le.. hmm.. haha.. but wonder if i'll sing when i'm with this group of pple.. hees.. well well.. then after dinner, me n ethel followed pastor Gideon's car.. he dropped me opposite my house:) haha.. saved time.. hahaha.. yup yup.. today.. tireddd!!! all thanks to last night's research n the terrible "joss smoke".. sian.. yeah.. then i jumped up when i heard my alarm thinking that i was late for school.. feel so stupid.. tsk.. aniwae.. yeah.. PE.. sian.. ran 4 rounds.. drained le.. haha.. then had GP(lucky it wasn't out turn to present).. but had a good time watching Poh's group perform.. wahaha.. on abortion.. imagine 4 guys n a girl.. hmm.. the guy wasn't the one who was going through the abortion.. haha! yeah.. then the other tutorials were ok lo.. haha.. yup yup.. then.. chem mock SPA.. crapped my way through the whole thing.. madness.. then we did the experiment after that.. n obtained some fibre looking crystal.. GUESS THE COLOUR!!! haha ORANGE:):) hahaha.. i'm keep it:) hees.. yeah.. n i'm home now.. gonna bathe le.. tiredd.. haha.. going offline liao..
I needed Jesus @ | 7:15:00 PM
*.* i love gecky the pretty:) *.*
EEEEE... :( school day today.. not a very nice day cos cheryl wasn't in school:( n diana has fell sick:( n esther came late:( sigh.. so sweedy hung out with a different group of pple today lo:( sigh.. felt quite out of place.. but aniwae.. thoday was quite ok.. got over it quite quickly.. aniwae.. during bio make up lesson.. miss tiew commented on our learning attitudes.. then when it came to me.. she said me n cheryl.. have weak foundation(i agree).. then she said we have to stop our dily daly(however u spell this) attitude cos we're running out of time.. well.. i will try my best.. yep.. after school.. went to heartland mall.. took the bus with mummy, ah ma, ah yee n godma:) haha.. lols.. then went to heartland macs with ah ma n godma.. haha.. then we ordered a fish dipper meal, upsized n shared:) haha.. yup.. feel fat:( haha.. then did some work there while wait for my pretty girl.. haha.. my dear geck ying was waiting at the kovan bus stop for me.. i tot she'll onli arrive at six since she told me she'll onli reach then.. haha but i tink she reached earlier than expected.. then waited there for me.. haha.. aiyo.. but she got to meet some PAP members.. from aljunied GRC.. hahas.. she was so high about it man.. lols.. crazy geck ying.. lols.. yeah.. then we walked around.. went to buy wen xiu's present.. we settled on a pooh puzzle.. tinking that even we want to quicken up, we could depend on the numbers behind.. but well.. the numbers din help much:( not all of them had the pics:( sob sob.. yeah.. was there at bout 7.. then started on thepuzzle n left at bout 920.. wah.. when i was leaving, was having a headache.. n was like radiating heat.. :S sigh.. tink might get fever.. :( sigh.. going to church tomolo i tink.. hmm i dunno.. unless i'm not feeling well.. yeah.. going off soon.. nite..
I needed Jesus @ | 10:50:00 PM
*.* food again? haha:) *.*
well well. .a bit drained today ah.. went for two sessions of tuition.. tsk tsk.. haha.. woke up at 830.. my mum woke me up:( haha.. i was supposed to b in bed for another 10 minutes.. lols.. oh well.. aniwae.. haha.. got up.. washed up n left my house lo.. haha.. yep.. went to kallang for tuition.. n one of my fren msged me to wake me up.. haha.. apparently i was alreadi at the bus stop then.. haha.. n i was listening to the mp3s on my phone so i din reply.. so i tink.. he tot i haven woke up.. so he gave me a call.. lols.. so funny.. haha.. ya.. thanks aniwae.. yep.. then was on my way to the tuition centre.. tried to save money cos concession ended yesterday.. so i tried to take the least number of buses.. haha.. took two.. to n fro lo.. haha.. four in all :( haha.. went through the topics that the students will b tested.. in summary.. haha.. tried my best.. hope they'll do fine.. :) yup.. then went to NTUC with hilda after tuition cos she needed to get tissue:) haha.. so funni.. ya.. then i left for home.. reached at bout 12+.. then had my lunch cum dinner.. haha.. was looking at the scholarship n courses n career paths.. i'm considering.. psychology.. then after that.. go for masters in speech therapy.. dunno can make it not.. yea.. aniwae.. haha.. still got bout a yr to decide.. haha..watched the labour day concert on channel 8 at 130.. haha.. my stef sun so cute:) :) haha.. yeah.. then rot around at home.. chat online.. n nothing much lo.. watched tv lo.. haha.. then waited for my dad to come home b4 i headed for my next tuition.. haha.. went to my cousin's place this time.. haha.. had tuition with her.. started at 545.. :) then ended at 730.. then my aunt ask me wana go eat with them not.. i din wan to at first.. then called home hoping there was food left.. :( no on kept food for me.. so i had to join them for dinner lo.. ait paiseh la.. some more they went to eat at kallang there.. Oasis i tink.. look like quite ex.. yeah.. but the food was good.. my cousins.. ate like two bowls plus of rice.. the girl ate 1 1/2 bowl of porridge.. my uncle ate 2+ as well.. n my aunt ate 2.. i was struggling to finish my one bowl leh.. my goodness.. tsk.. haha.. yeah.. then after that, they went to buy dou hua:) haha.. ya then they sent me home lo.. :) super full now la.. i kept my dou hua in the fridge.. haha.. can't stuff anithing in my stomach now.. hahas:) will eat it tomolo:) haha cold dou hua is nice!! wahaha.. lols.. my aunt gave us three mangoes also!! :) haha.. i feel so paiseh.. tsk.. haha.. :) i tink my mum might scold me for eating with them.. well my mummy's like me.. dun like pple to pay for our stuff most of the time.. well wat to do?sigh.. been eating so much these days ah!! must eat less.. hahaha.. :) tink i shall stop here le.. :S haha.. see u tomolo:)
I needed Jesus @ | 10:19:00 PM
