):):):):):):):):):):):):):): life sucks.. ): i hate exams.. ): tsk! sigh.. i realli dunno wat i am doing now.. just readig through my notes aimlessly.. just doing all the questions.. throwing in everything that i can tink of.. darn.. ): i dunno.. i dunno.. and once in a while.. i get panic attacks.. i'm reminded of how LITTLE time i have left.. i'm so so dead.. i had a bad dream yesterday.. i dreamt that i was doing the maths paper.. but i din have time at all.. i din noe how to do the questions.. AHHHHH! God wat am i supposed to do in this short period of time? it's not that i din study or wat.. but.. wat i've studied before that, i can't really remember.. and i dun have time to do more! ):):): argh.. i wan a swing.. i need a swing.. ):
i guess.. i just have myself to blame le la.. i dunno wat else i can say.. but Lord.. teach me to depend on your strength.. help me to stand up and continue to walk from here.. i dunno how i'm gonna do it.. but for now.. i'm just gonna do wat i can.. push all those negative feeling aside.. people.. pardon me for my negativity.. and my attitude.. i tink it's quite bad.. to some pple.. sigh.. i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry.. sigh sigh sigh.. it's 1220.. darn.. i'm actualli rushing a post.. wat is this.. i'm rushing off to continue with my notes.. sigh.. wat a life..
BUT!! on a lighter note.. it'll be over soon ain't it? yeap.. i'm looking forward to that day.. BUT! ): sharon is mad.. she planned drill camp right after my paper): darn.. it's like.. ARGH.. can't i have a day off?? should have told her my paper ends on like 30th or something.. sigh.. but well.. i'll have to accept it la.. yeah.. God bless everyone taking the exams! bless them with good health, good mind.. ample rest.. no stress(ehh that rhymes! (: haha) yeah.. Lord.. help everyone to be still and know that U ARE GOD(: amen!! (: gambatte!!
I needed Jesus @ | 12:14:00 AM
Sunday, October 29, 2006
*.* more pics(: haha *.*
99% on love calculator! (: hahaha(:
me and ethel! (:
us again! (:(: =p
mr bryan! looks like a small boy huh..
jason.. tinking hard too.. with his $100 ear piece? crazy..
hmm ethel in deep thoughts..
me and my teacher! (: desmond! (:
chang yuan boy.. happy birthday in advance(:
i look like i'm wearing lipstick! ): hah that's clarissa aniwae(:
this picture not nice! ):
I needed Jesus @ | 1:37:00 AM
*.* a fine day(: *.*
ohh today's a nice day(: a fine day(: that's because.. i went to a place where i always wanted to go but dun have to privelege of going all the time.. yeap.. church.. that's it(: haha.. aniwae.. i woke up kinda earlier today(: haha.. i woke up at 10(: hehehe.. yeap.. n i studied in the morning lo.. yeap.. did bio lo.. but still lagging as usual la.. i dunno how la.. but yeah.. sigh.. ):
but well.. my mood lightened a little(: yeap.. headed for church after my dad reached home.. met PJ at his house bus stop then took the bus to church together.. yeap.. haha.. n TADA! we were in church! (: ahaha.. yeap.. socialised a little then i went to write my letters.. yeap.. haha.. wrote some notes for the people in church.. haha.. yeah.. n off we went for service(: it was qutie alright.. JUST THAT.. i felt like i was attending a kindergarten service for a while.. hahaha.. but it felt great(: at the end.. i went up to b prayed for.. and pastor Kian Cheng(dunno how to spell) prayed for me.. he told me.. he saw a vision of a bud.. growing.. i dunno wat it means.. but yeah.. i was kinda touched when he was praying for me.. i cried.. ): yeap..
a flower.. wat i could figure out.. after analysing a little with brother.. a bud.. will grow.. and eventualli flower.. the flower.. will either bear fruits or it will die and wither off (i learnt that in bio! in order to bear fruit, the ovule needs to b fertilised by the pollen grain!) wahaha ok digression.. yea.. it will either bear fruit or wither.. does it signify my life? my walk with God? i dunno.. God will reveal it to me i should tink.. i hope..
i was reminded of God's love.. things may have turned out wrong at home.. between me and pple.. but God reminded me.. HEY sweedy.. how come u're looking for love in people when there's a God who's so willing to love you? that struck me.. why am i wanting pple to love me much more than i wan God to? i have lost my focus.. ): i'm sorry God.. i wana come back into ur open arms.. i wan ur hug.. i wana feel ur big warm hands carrying me.. forgive me Lord.. teach me to turn to u.. teach me to depend on you.. yea.. teach me Lord.. remind me..
yeap.. went for dinner after service.. haha as usual.. church pple always take a LONG time to decide where to eat.. always dilly dally in church.. haha.. sigh.. problem ah.. haha.. aniwae.. we sent ethel's fren to the traffic light before the mrt and then we went to the hawker for food.. I DUN LIKE THE MEE POK! ): so GROSS! ): onli the fishball nice.. so i din finish the noodle.. onli ate less than half i tink.. ethel scold me): haha.. but i din like it at all.. tsk.. yea.. then went with ethel and jason fung to KFC.. waited for bryan there..haha.. then got car ride home(: WOOTS! (: yeap.. haha.. he sent me and ethel home cos he on the way(: yeap
so i'm here now.. tink i'm tired le.. gonna sleep at 130? haha tired): din study much lo.. sigh.. but i'm glad i went for service.. very glad(: yeap.. haha.. thank you Lord.. thank you.. i love you..
I needed Jesus @ | 12:15:00 AM
Saturday, October 28, 2006
*.* pictures(: *.*
ah ma and mummy! (:
me and ah ma! (: ellie!
teacher blessed with good looks(1) mr irwin see!
teacher blessed with good looks (2) miss lena lim!!
winne girl(:
claudyne girl(:
sylvia girl(:
lucky guys! haha lols(:
mummy loves me! (:
mummy says i'm a pig! ):
mugging in the library?? hahaha.. (:
stupid things we do! (: hehehe
the place i'll miss.. tj library.. a place we spent mugging..
me n mummy! (:
haha after consultation with mr hsi(: maths maths maths(:
i love my gor gor(:
I needed Jesus @ | 1:22:00 AM
*.* 我需要多一点时间 *.*
sighh.. ): i'm so so so stressed up now): argh.. all thanks to electrochem.. ): i realli couldn't do a single question correctly.. sigh.. i'm so dead now.. ): damn.. sigh.. in one question.. there's bound to b parts that i dunno how to do.. AT ALL.. ): i can't imagine.. wat is gonna happen in the exam hall la.. darn.. ):):):
hai.. ): HOW???? that's the onli question that's ringing in my head.. sweedy's trying very hard le.. but she just can't do it.. she feels.. she's tired le.. she's realli having a hard time trying to keep the stress level down.. it's not easy.. but so many other pple have gone through it and they've all survived it.. can sweedy do this? ):): she ain't sure at all.. sigh.. wat a life..
she's told to trust in God.. yes.. she knows she has to.. but she feels herself distancing already.. ): she's not doing her QT often cos by the time she finish studying.. she's half dead..): and she doesn't want to do it when she's in that state cos she sees no point in doing it when she can't totaly understand wat she's reading.. she wants to do it in the day.. but mummy's at home so she can't.. sigh.. she's stuck.. ): she wants to go to church as well.. but her mum doesn't allow.. and also.. at this period.. she's realli so lack of time that she din even try to ask.. sigh..
Lord.. forgive me? i'm sorry for neglecting u at this time.. ): i know i should b depending on u the most at this crucial period.. but.. ): i'm sorry Lord.. i'll try my best.. i know i will fail u.. many many times.. but i'm realli glad that u've forgiven me time again.. but i shouldn't take it for granted.. i shouldn't.. i shouldn't.. ): sighh..
time for me to go to my notes le.. bye bye..
I needed Jesus @ | 12:08:00 AM
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
*.* "good" morning *.*
oh finally.. it's raining again.. i hope this rain will last.. a long long time.. i'm for a rainy day today.. not in the mood for my notes.. but i noe i dun have a choice.. it's a week away.. i'm probably 3/5 prepared.. but.. i dunno.. it feels like.. i'm so unprepared.. ): and things had to happen at such a time.. damn.. is that the life i'm supposed to b living? gosh..
everyone hopes to wake up to a beautiful morning.. greeted by the morning sun.. most importantly.. the people u love.. imagine this.. u're still in bed.. and someone is shouting away in the kitchen.. saying all the bad things she can say about you.. saying how much she wished u weren't born.. saying how useless you are.. saying how much she hates you.. well a new experience i would say.. getting up from bed.. leaving behind a pillow that's wet.. drying ur eyes.. walking out of ur room as though u've heard nothing.. but when u see her.. the anger and rage just comes all out again.. u slam the toilet door.. brush ur teeth, with tears streaming down ur face.. wow.. wat an experience..
well i'm useless.. i'm lazy.. i'm untidy.. i'm stupid.. so b it lo.. u wana say that.. go ahead la.. i can't b bothered to argue with u animore.. just dun expect me to face u with a smile.. i'm not talkin to you.. talk to ur two other beloved son and daughter.. pretend that u dun noe me at all.. i'm just gonna bear with this for another year.. less than that in fact.. and i'll b off on my own.. i'm never coming back.. at least.. i dun intend to.. after Uni, i'm gonna work.. i'm gonna earn my own money.. i'm getting my own place.. i'm staying away from u.. i'll visit everyone else except you.. let me tell u this now.. i hate you.. i realli do.. never have i hated anione so much.. never have i have so much rage and anger in me.. over such stupid comments that u pass.. well..
i promise you.. i'll NEVER become like you.. i'm not gonna come home.. with a bad mood.. take it out on everyone in the house.. NEVER.. i'm never gonna pass any hurting comments especially to anione in my family.. especially to a daughter who's heart breaks so easily.. i'll love my daughter.. i'll shower her with so much love.. i'll hug her.. i'll kiss her.. i'll ask her how's her day in school.. i will.. i definitely will.. and i'll show it to u.. i'll have dinner as a family.. i'll go out for wekkly outings with them.. i'll not bother my daughter with housework especially during her exam period.. i'll give her the freedom she deserves.. i'm not gonna learn from you.. i wun hurt her.. so deeply.. i WUN..
as much as i wouldn't like to touch my notes.. i realli have to.. ): sigh.. time to go.. goodbye.. hope u had a good morning.. enjoy ur day..
I needed Jesus @ | 1:40:00 PM
Monday, October 23, 2006
*.* i miss the swing.. *.*
in a realli terrible state these days.. i miss swinging on a swing.. if i have my own house next time.. i hope i can keep a swing in the house.. or mayb i'll find somewhere a little secluded.. construct a swing(: hanging from a tree? that sounds good.. n i'll definitely get a piano for myself.. yea.. a piano.. a swing.. that's enough.. i'll stay far far away.. where no one can find me.. just me, my swing and my piano.. but i guess.. it's pretty impossible.. i'm just daydreaming here then..
well aniwae.. today.. pretty productive.. but i did wat i was supposed to complete yesterday.. humms.. lag again lo.. i wana stay up tonight but my body isn't responding the way i want it to.. sigh.. dunno.. just do wat i can lo.. tired le also no choice le la.. sigh.. wat a life.. SIAN..
people whom i've hurt.. irritated in some way or another.. especially during this period.. i'm so so sorry.. i know i'm such an irritating person.. sigh.. even more irritating during this period.. i dunno.. i'm sorry kay? forgive me.. "i'm not a perfect person, there's many things i wish i didn't do.." a song i like.. yeap.. i'm not perfect.. so please dun expect me to be.. sorry..
my mum is home.. i tink i'll try not to talk.. i'll just shut up.. things should b better that way.. she wana scold go ahead la.. i can't b bothered animore.. damn.. my eyes are so tired now.. ): argh hai.. God bless me.. i hope i can stay up long enough to finish wat i have to.. i need a BIG HUG.. ): no one can give me one i guess.. always yearned for one from mummy and daddy.. but well.. dun tink i'll ever get it..
I needed Jesus @ | 10:03:00 PM
Sunday, October 22, 2006
*.* sigh *.*
haiz.. i dunno la.. i'm getting so irritated.. ): tsk.. aniwae.. today.. studied the whole day.. but not very productive): sigh.. i dunno how.. i dunno wat i can do.. i'm already doing wat i can.. but all i get.. is still.. lag.. lag.. lag.. time and again.. i've changed my time table.. replan replan and replan.. i'm trying.. i realli am.. but.. i just can't bring myself to absorb everything that i read.. ): sigh.. God bless me then..
at home the whole day.. pretty good.. until my mum came home with my siblings.. well... she's in her bad mood again.. n well.. she asked me if my dad came home in the afternoon.. i dun remember that he did.. so i said no la.. then later he was talking to my mum.. then he said that he came home.. so my mum was like.. WHO IS THE ONE LYING? my fault ah.. then she shouted at me.. wah lao.. u dun believe then dun ask me la.. u tink i'm lying? i wana study out, u dun allow.. even if u allow, u make a whole din out of it.. wat the hell.. so i stay at home.. and when i stay at home, u suspect i'm bringing some guy home.. ****.. it's realli pissing me off like nobody's business.. argh..
everything turns out to be my fault.. damn.. i'm realli freaking irritated.. and things had to b worse.. i got irritated and went into my room.. then pj called me.. to ask if i was ok.. yeap.. din talk for long.. and the moment i hung up, brother called.. then he said some things which i got irritated with.. i sounded quite pissed la.. sorry.. yeap.. i was like crying when i hung up the phone.. i was like damn pissed with everything la.. argh.. i hate all these! ): ): i ahte myself.. i hate the world! ):):): argh.. i'm gonna sleep soon.. goodnight..
I needed Jesus @ | 10:44:00 PM
*.* hug.. *.*
humms.. i tink this is nice.. got it from gor gor's blog.. tink sometimes.. we realli need a hug from pple.. but.. well.. especially as asians.. we're shy to ask it from pple.. we just wait for pple to come and hug us.. and also.. some pple might b shy to hug others.. well.. watever it is.. i tink.. a hug is realli something that can help someone feel better.. so pple.. dun ever hesitate to give ur frens a nce warm hug.. (: it can realli make one feel SOOOOOOOO much better when one is down.. (: frens who need a hug.. (: i'm all ready to give u one(: loves! off to study now):): sigh.. byebye
I needed Jesus @ | 3:09:00 PM
Saturday, October 21, 2006
*.* A level is nearing): *.*
it's so realli near.. i'm so dead.. so so dead.. sigh.. i can't do anithing else now.. but just do wat i can.. learning to b more optimistic ba.. sigh.. ): such a stressful life.. ): damn.. i'm so pissed now.. ): argh.. my mum is like irritating me to the core.. ): sigh.. ARGH!! i need peace la.. this are times when i realli want to be alone.. to stay away from everyone else.. i need my own space..
it's not that i dun wana help out with things at home.. hello! i even do some stuff when i'm a little more free.. and u say i din do anithing.. fine.. watever u say.. i did.. i told u i did.. and u say that it's impossible.. UP TO U!! u dun believe me.. so be it.. i can't b bothered to argue further... DAMN!! this is realli pissing me off like nobody's business.. you're in a bad mood and the whole house gets it from u.. wat RUBISH la.. please control urself can.. u bad mood just shut urself up and go and sleep la! DAMN! dun come and piss pple can.. u can shout at us, throw ur temper.. then when we do show colour.. u scold us.. i am feeling vulgar now.. argh.. but i'm not gonna use it here la..
argh.. u're realli making me hate u.. i realli do.. damn.. u got ur bad days, we have ours too ok.. damn.. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i realli hate u! i dun wana end up having to put part of the blame on u if i dun do well for my A levels.. it's either u get out of my sight or I WILL get out.. i dun wana see u! argh..
WHY? why does all these have to happen.. ): other pple can have such nice mothers.. so close to their mothers.. and here.. i have to put up with all these.. i have to hate my own mother.. damn.. WHY WHY WHY! ): argh.. i dun like this! ): i dun wana blog animore.. my nose is realli killing me.. i'm gonna wash up and go sleep le.. goodnight..
I needed Jesus @ | 11:27:00 PM
Friday, October 20, 2006
*.* pictures are finally here(: haha *.*
this pic just looks wrong.. lols(: that's yeh hao aniwae..
han han! (: hahaha.. my dear kbox pal(:
sweedy and janice(:
wa ron popular hor.. tsk tsk..
ellie sandy wanteng mrs chua n me! (:
wanteng sweedy and ellie(:
my dear granddaughter.. diana(: randal and sweedy(:
shimin!! (:
mummy and ah ma! (:
grandma and granddaughter! acting cute! (:
a long lost friend found! hwee ming darling(:
new members of the council.. respect please !
i'm the new coucil president! recite the pledge with me! (:
mummy and our security guard! (:
thanks for making tj a safe place(:
sweedy and ron! (ehh please stop all ur self praise!)
my fave canteen vedors! (: (uncle.. u saw chiobu huh!) tsk!
2705 girls! (: sweedy joan wanteng ellie grace sandy sheryl(:
happy family! (:
simin wanteng guidan
feel like stars? (:
sweedy and esther(:
grace and wanteng
dong fang shen hua fans! (: hahah korean wanabes! (:
99% on love calculator! (: hahaha(:
me and ethel! (:
mr bryan! looks like a small boy huh..
jason.. tinking hard too.. with his $100 ear piece? crazy..
hmm ethel in deep thoughts..
me and my teacher! (: desmond! (:
chang yuan boy.. happy birthday in advance(:
i look like i'm wearing lipstick! ): hah that's clarissa aniwae(:
this picture not nice! ):
ah ma and mummy! (:
me and ah ma! (: ellie!
teacher blessed with good looks(1) mr irwin see!
teacher blessed with good looks (2) miss lena lim!!
winne girl(:
claudyne girl(:
sylvia girl(:
lucky guys! haha lols(:
mummy loves me! (:
mummy says i'm a pig! ):
mugging in the library?? hahaha.. (:
stupid things we do! (: hehehe
the place i'll miss.. tj library.. a place we spent mugging..
me n mummy! (:
haha after consultation with mr hsi(: maths maths maths(:
i love my gor gor(:
this pic just looks wrong.. lols(: that's yeh hao aniwae..
han han! (: hahaha.. my dear kbox pal(:
sweedy and janice(:
wa ron popular hor.. tsk tsk..
ellie sandy wanteng mrs chua n me! (:
wanteng sweedy and ellie(:
my dear granddaughter.. diana(:
randal and sweedy(:
shimin!! (:
mummy and ah ma! (:
grandma and granddaughter! acting cute! (:
a long lost friend found! hwee ming darling(:
new members of the council.. respect please !
i'm the new coucil president! recite the pledge with me! (:
mummy and our security guard! (:
thanks for making tj a safe place(:
sweedy and ron! (ehh please stop all ur self praise!)
my fave canteen vedors! (: (uncle.. u saw chiobu huh!) tsk!
2705 girls! (: sweedy joan wanteng ellie
happy family! (:
simin wanteng guidan
feel like stars? (:
sweedy and esther(:
grace and wanteng
dong fang shen hua fans! (: hahah korean wanabes! (:
PL primary reunite! (:
sweedy and pretty cheryl(:
elicia sweedy shi hui
sweedy and sandy
i love my grandma! (:
angelic clara and mummy!
"sisters" (:
mother and daughter(: haha!
三代同堂
us and our mood swinging bio teacher, miss tiew..
love from a mother(:
babes of 2705(:
i love wanteng mummy! (: