I need you..

Saturday, July 15, 2006

*.* goodbye but i'll b back.. somehow *.*

well well.. it's been such a tough time.. aniwae.. let's look back to yesterday.. :) haha.. had a fine day in school.. except that i almost cried when i was writing brother's letter.. yeah.. that din matter much ba.. rushed down to bedok central to get the cookie ingredients.. yeap.. took a cab home from central cos mummy was in a rush to go out n she wants me home to look after my siblings.. yeah..

when i was at home.. wanted to start baking some cookies so i could give some cookies to my frens when i meet them in the evening.. prepared everything..but.. well i forgot that the weighing scale was at my aunt's place.. tsk.. so had to keep everything lo.. sian.. so waited till my dad was home.. took a bath n went out with my frens le..

met them at marina square.. haha.. they were at rocky masters.. but i din feel like eating that.. yan hui too. .haha.. so we left the girls there.. n we went to kenny rogers.. but alot of pple la.. tsk.. haha.. :( no cheese marcaroni for me!! :(:( haha.. sigh.. so we went to pizza hut.. :( sigh.. yeah.. got alot of cheese too!! ahaha.. so me n yan hui ate but couldn't finish.. haha. so pack it lo.. then went to the esplanade with the girls( jacqueline, yinglei, shijie, jocelyn n winnie).. yeap.. we wanted to go to the roof garden but it was closed:( sigh...

so we went to this corner n sat down.. haha.. played mind games.. haha. i'm fast:) haha.. my nu er jacquline is the slow one.. tsk.. haha.. oh oh! my little juniors gave me this cute water dispenser.. haha.. :) thanks girls.. love it loads.. here's a pic of it! :) haha.. yeah.. and i went home after that.. tired.. but started to bake the cookies lo.. till bout 3.. then went to sleep..

yeah.. so today.. haha.. woke up at 10.. continued with the cookies.. haha.. :) yeap.. swept the house.. then sent my siblings to my aunt and then prepared to leave home.. yeah.. took a bathe, packed the cookies into the containers and rushed out of house.. tot i'd b late but alright la.. :) was on time.. haha.. so i met chang yuan at kembangan mrt to pass him the cookies for the youths.. :) haha.. then met brother n my cg mates at tanah merah.. yea.. passed bro his letter n cookies..

then went to clara's place with yihan to help her carry the stuff to bring to mrs chua's place.. :) had a great time at mrs chua's place.. she's realli a teacher i love so dear:) haha.. yeap.. she baked so much n cooked curry for us.. :) yeap.. some others brought food too:) thanks everyone.. the food was GREAT! :) n my frens liked the cookies too:) thanks pple! :) i realli enjoyed myself today.. i hope we have more of such times together.. sitting down.. playing "i never", playing zhong ji mi ma.. haha.. :) talking crap.. :) realli fun.. love you guys.. :)

was one of the last few to leave the place.. :) hah.. took the train with them n me n ricky alighted at eunos.. we took the bus together back to hougang.. yeap.. chatted away.. ahaha.. mrs chua says he'll make a good husband.. let's wait n see.. wahaha.. :) yea yea.. home n here i am.. all tired out.. :(

yeap.. well.. today.. might b the last day i own this com.. well.. and aome other things in my home too.. just hope things will b fine.. i'm realli tired.. now.. i'm going to sleep.. goodnight.. n i hope i'll b back soon..

I needed Jesus @ | 11:41:00 PM

Thursday, July 13, 2006

*.* school's tiring me out.. so are relationships.. *.*

well well.. i'm so tired.. and i realli hate school so much.. sigh.. :( not onli bcos of the school work n the whole load of revision that i have to do.. it's also about frens.. i realli am tired of trying alot of things which i'm trying not to think of now.. well.. but i guess it's just me.. things n pple who mean so much to me.. many.. are drifting away.. i've tried.. i'm trying.. but.. i tink.. i'm giving up le.. i've said this many times.. i'm tired.. realli tired.. sorry.. if i hurt u.. i apologise.. but.. i'm not gonna try again.. it's not that i'm totally correct in watever i do.. watever i've done wrong.. i want to change it.. but if u just keep quiet n ain't telling me anithing.. it doesn't help.. so.. sorry.. leave me.. i'll leave you too..

money.. it's something that we cannot live without.. not that it is the most important thing in life.. as it goes.. qian2 bu2 shi4 wan4 neng2, dan4 mei2 qian2 wan4 wan4 bu4 neng2.. yeah.. things are turning out bad at home.. well all e money matters.. probs with loans and stuffs.. if i say i'm not scared.. i'm lying.. but i dun tink i can go around dropping tears, crying away.. well well.. i just look as i am.. as i've ever been.. mayb i've over masked it.. n i tink.. i seem quite irritating to some pple.. sorry.. i din mean it.. i just want to look normal.. sorry.. forgive me..

i cry.. silently.. i dun wana let anione worry.. not even mummy.. i'll b alright.. well.. mayb things aren't that bad.. but well.. i'm onli a 17 yr old girl.. who is pretty ignorant about wats going on around me.. in the world.. when things i've nv experienced is thrown to me.. i'm naturally lost.. yeah.. lost.. totalli.. God.. help me.. carry me.. like how anione would carry a crying child.. i'm a lost.. sad.. tired child.. i need you.. n help me to keep my focus on you.. and nothing else.. no one else..

Lord.. i thank you for the frens that have been around to support me all these while.. in one way or another.. they may have just said a few words of encouragement.. some comforting words.. some jokes to cheer me up.. some lame jokes to cool me a little.. haha.. yeah.. thanks.. brother, geck ying, ron, ethel, pj.. i'm realli glad for frens like you:) love you pple loads.. i realli treasure these few close frens that i have.. i realli dun deserve pple being so nice to me.. yet God has placed you pple in my life. thank you Lord, thank you pals.. i love you all:)

I needed Jesus @ | 8:31:00 PM

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

*.* 200th post.. *.*

hmm.. it's the 200th post.. wow.. i've left all these crap all these years.. n now.. it's the 200th post.. well well.. pple who are reading all these.. i thank you for taking time to read about my life.. and the fact the u've got the password to my blog.. it just shows u mean alot to me. :) yeap.. thanks for being my fren.. i'm realli glad God sent u into my life:) yeap yeap.. i hope i've been a good friend.. i apologise if i haven been one.. i'll try my best.. please tell me my weak points.. i'll try to change (but in a nice way can? hees) haha.. yeap..

the 200th post.. a sad post it will b.. well.. so much has been happening in my life.. i've been such a failure.. such a slacker.. such a procrastinator.. such a horrible sister.. a terrible daughter.. well.. i'm so sorry.. for now.. i will try my best to concerntrate on my work.. time to realli mug le.. less outings with brother.. less slacking time.. less computer time.. well i dun even tink i'll have my com.. well well.. tink this will b the last post for the next one or two months.. i doubt u'll see me online for the next few weeks ba.. not that bad a thing after all.. well..

some things have happened at home.. so well.. this com is going somewhere to stay for a while before it comes back to me.. yeah.. i'm fine with it la.. well.. i just hope.. things will b fine.. pple.. please pray for me.. pray that the problems will b solved.. yeap.. God bless.. i'm going back to my work now.. meanwhile.. i'll try my best to b a good fren. a good daughter. a good sister.. a good Christian..

I needed Jesus @ | 9:52:00 PM

Friday, July 07, 2006

*.* today's a good day:) *.*

yeah:) school ended early today.. that is good! :) Yeap.. intended to go donate blood after school.. so rushed out of lecture theatre with clara shi hui n esther to avoid the long queue.. yeap.. went to register.. n all thanks to my stupid puny brain that can't seem to contain anithing much.. i din tink about bringing my IC.. n i forgot that i dun have my ez-link card with me cos i lost my wallet three days ago... yeah.. so i couldn't donate lo.. then clara went alone.. but she donated!:) good for her lo.. yeap.. tink i'll find someone to go with me to the bloodbank at outram to donate blood together.. yeah.. msged geck ying earlier in the day.. asked to meet her since everyone ended early today:) hees.. yeah.. n she said ok!!:) yeap.. so we met at heartland mall.. she was there first.. feel so bad that she always reaches earlier than me.. sorry! yeap.. so i finally got there n we went to macs:( haha.. unhealthy food!! tsk! haha.. actualli wanted to eat cheeseburger happy meal.. hahaha.. but geck was talking about McSpicy.. then i was tinking so long nv eat le.. so yeah.. i decided that i should eat that too:) haha.. yeah.. so we chatted n ate.. there were so many PL girls there.. hahaha.. yeah.. aniwae.. talked.. ate.. we were so full :( ya.. so decided to go walk walk in heartland mall.. went to look look n see see.. we bought hairbands.. haha.. :) ya.. then went popular.. haha.. she bought a huge eraser!! wahaha.. yea.. then we walked to her house.. :) haha.. slow walk.. talk n talk..yeah.. i love such times.. where we realli slow down our steps in life.. n actualli enjoy a time spent with someone u love.. someone close to you.. someone whom u care for.. instead of the hectic life that requires us to take quick n brisk steps, such times allow us to relax and enjoy ourselves.. yeah.. realli loved that.. yeap.. took pics n rotted around at geck's place.. haha.. :) we're two lame pple man.. taking stupid pics.. and artistic ones toO! :) haha.. realli had fun.. thanks for the time spent with me girl!! :) LOVE U! :) haha.. here's some pics we took! :)
got this idea from ethel! xi3, nu4, ai1, le4 :):)

wats that smell! eek! hmm.. AH HUH!!

i love geckie! :) she loves me too!! wahaha! :)

friends forever we will be! :)

acting cute?? =S haha:)

the retro days.. those were the days..

the feeling of solitude? artistic huh.. :)

she's in deep thought..

i'm thinking hard too.. (the chair's too small for my fat butt!! :( )

how much is the radio by the window??

sad me.. :( she must have bullied me!! that's geck's pillow!! :)

that's professor.. (penguin as u can see)

part of her soft toy collection..

yeap.. oh and here are some other pics that i took n the music marathon day:) with my wonderful GB friends n seniors! :):) MUACKS!
grandma michelle!! :)

michelle is so tall!! :O

i love michelle!! drill comm rocks! :)

adeline, sweedy, esther, hilda, doreen, debbie n michelle! short n tall! :)

tall is good! hahaha..

I needed Jesus @ | 7:54:00 PM

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

*.* we're distancing.. if that's ur choice.. alright.. sorry *.*

tears.. such things can realli bring tears to my eyes.. well.. wat a life i'm leading.. i guess.. i'm just a normal girl.. an ordinary girl.. nothing attractive about me.. that even ppl whom i hold so dear.. may decide to leave me some day.. well.. sad.. yes i am.. but wat can i do? they've already shown signs of irritation.. keeping some distance.. choosing to hang out with some others.. alright.. that's ur choice.. i accept it.. enjoy ur time.. have a good life.. have a good time with the others.. i tink i'll disappear from ur life soon.. soon.. wait.. i'll b gone.. i just wana apologise for being a bad fren.. thanks for the friendship.. that once existed..

sad things aside.. today.. hung around alot with my dear grand daughter.. nana:):) haha.. thanks for being a fren girl:):) yeap.. then after school, went to paya lebar to meet chang yuan to study.. did my bio tutorial.. ya.. studied a little maths.. n debra joined us le.. haha.. gave her her present! :):) haha.. yeap.. hope she liked it:) haha.. yea.. we went for dinner together.. chang yuan chose to eat at home.. yeap.. so me n twinnie went to foodcourt.. then while we were eating.. brother came.. :) haha.. ya.. sat n rotted for a while then went to ntuc.. walked walked.. haha.. me n twinnie bought kinder bueno!! :) hahaha.. ya...

then brother not feeling well so he went home first.. i took 28 with twinnie to toa payoh.. then took 153 to hougang then took 74 home lo.. now super tired le.. tink i'm gonna sleep soon!! *yawns* yeah.. n i tink.. i'm quite confused over some stuff in my mind.. sian.. just talked to geck about it.. i dun wish to share to anione animore.. i need time to tink.. tired.. going off le.. goodnight..

I needed Jesus @ | 11:15:00 PM

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

*.* lost.. :(:( *.*

bla.. today.. school starts again:(:( well.. n for goodness sake.. wat a "GOOD" day it is.. sigh.. let's see how things are in the morning today.. well well.. yeap.. morning.. went to school.. super tired.. sigh.. met bev n cheryl on 229:) haha.. ya.. then lessons as usual lo.. sigh.. first period break le then MATHS.. n got back maths paper.. sigh.. haha.. din do veh well.. haha.. but better than i expected.. haha.. cos i dun realli practise much of pure maths.. did more statistics.. yea.. so statistics made up bout 60% of my total score.. yeap.. thanks to that.. haha.. got 43/100.. not good i noe.. haha.. will buck up.. hmm.. 60/100 for prelims?? quite impossible.. that's onli an aim.. well.. reach higher lo.. haha..

after maths was bio.. alot of us nv prepare tutorial.. so we were all like rushing to finish a few questions during break before miss tiew came in.. haha.. yeah.. well.. then it was chem lect.. i was seriously falling asleep.. one reason was the boring lecturer who was plainly reading off the screen n the notes.. hello u want to read.. then i might as well just read the lecture notes myself..
yes.. :( sigh.. ya lo.. super sian la..

then after chem was 2 perods of GP.. my goodness.. it's time fo an essay.. sigh.. had a hard time doing the question "if people fall ill, it's largely their own fault" oh yeah.. wat a question.. sian.. ya.. managed to finish crapping in time.. yeah.. n ya.. then left class.. met ron in the canteen then headed for paya lebar to study.. yup.. boarded 38.. had a hard time trying to dig out my wallet from my broken bag.. tsk.. well.. ya.. got it scanned n sat down n talked to jaryl who was also on e bus.. yea.. then alighted at the interchange..

walked to the mrt station with ron.. n realised that my wallet is lost!! :(:(:( sigh.. i was like.. die.. then went back.. then still couldn't find.. went up the bus to check.. it wasn't there either.. sian.. no choice lo.. borrowed 10 bucks from ron.. then used coins as my transport fare.. :(:( sad:( sian.. lsot my ez link card.. my picutres.. my cards n letters.. AHHH!!! please.. whoever picks it up.. take the money n return the rest can? i'll b really grateful..

yeap.. it's a sad life without my wallet n my ezlink card.. sian.. waste so much money on transport.. :(:( BLA!! sigh.. well well.. wat a day..

I needed Jesus @ | 11:45:00 PM

Monday, July 03, 2006

*.* a happily enjoyed weekend:) *.*

yeah.. saturday n sunday.. ahaha.. had a good time:) yeap.. saturday.. went swimming with my aunt in the morning.. yeah.. my cousins were in school so onli me n my aunt swim.. oh my siblings were in school too.. yeap.. so we went to swim.. then went to my aunt's place.. ahaha.. made waffles.. lols.. :) quite easy la.. cos we bought the mix.. wahaha.. oops.. but the thing quite nice lo:) hees.. haha.. ya.. the waffle thing.. can onli cook one waffle at a time.. yeah.. so i took some time.. haha..

yeap.. the went home.. send my brother to school again at 115.. he was going to national stadium.. yea.. then went home, swept n mop the floor.. then my aunt came to fetch me n my sis.. dropped my sis n cousins at tuition centre.. then i went down to church for fellowship.. it was e birthday cele.. haha.. kena sabo lo.. sian.. make me act cute.. so paiseh la.. tsk.. lols.. make me sing the cuppy cake song in dolly voice! tsk!! aiyoyo.. i dun even tink it sounded dolly.. sounded GROSS!! hahaha

yeah.. the fellowship was fun.. yeah.. then went back to pp to meet my aunt lo.. she drove home..yeap.. reached home at bout 8+ i tink.. haha..ya then chat online n stuff.. yeap.. ya din do much lo.. talked to geck on the phone too.. haha.. then called brother to disturb him for a while.. haha.. :)

yeap.. then sunday morning.. haha.. woke up at 845.. abit tired.. yeah.. washed up n woke my piggy sister.. then went left house together for music marathon.. yeap.. :):) haha.. reached there.. the whole thing was a little pathetic.. the sound system was pretty bad.. then the audience there were like e PL pple.. haha.. well.. yea.. then we performed at bout 12+.. our first performance.. it was a shocking one.. cos we were so loud.. lols.. i could hear the echoes of our voices la.. my goodness.. haha.. our officers said we were good:) loud enough.. hahaha.. :) so happy:)

haha.. ya.. n we sounded quite ok lo:) haha.. just that.. the song "we want to serve" was kinda too high.. haha.. yeapp.. but it was realli fun!! :) n after that, we realised that we had to perform another time at bout 2.. tsk.. :( haha.. but we still did it. n as loud i guess.. the onli thing that went wrong.. was that we sang in the wrong sequence.. but together.. lols:) haha.. ya.. n also the music ppl sang with us:) yupp:) realli felt so good today.. seeing all the ex GB girls come back together to perform n have fun:):)

after the last performance, we took pics together.. haha shall put some later:) haha.. it was realli fuN!! nv had so much fun for such a long time.. :):) haha.. let me try naming the ppl who were there.. Last row pple: pearlyn, me, wendy, hilda, debbie second row: angel, grace xiaole, esther teng, adeline, lydia,doreen first row: serene, jesslyn, sharon, lingji, michelle yupp:):) that's about it.. haha.. hope i din miss out anione.. haha.. below it's pictures:):)

me n hilda! i look disgusting! :(

last row pple + doreen! hahaha
top: hilda debbie n pearlyn
bottom: sweedy wendy n doreen

lydia n me!! :)

tallies n shorties!! :)
(not veh clear will get the bigger pic:))

I needed Jesus @ | 12:34:00 AM

Saturday, July 01, 2006

*.* budak pantai.. they nv fail to cheer me up:) *.*

i'm back from the performance:):) it was GOOD! :) although some songs were the same as ever.. but they did it a different way.. :) cool:) yeap.. i appeared quite high today.. to many pple i tink.. haha.. yeap.. haha.. i was like.. i dunno.. haha.. high? lols. talked quite alot today.. haha.. at YMCA.. haha.. i talked so much.. brother bullied me as usual.. haa.. yeah.. n i kept "fighting" with him.. hahaha.. lols.. yeah.. then kept talking nmaking noise.. (bryan say i act cute.. :( ) haha.. i high la.. can?? lols.. yeash..

yeap.. everyone went there with a fren.. i was e onli one without.. brother brought stephanie.. bryan brought ming ni.. (prospective **********??) oops.. i dunno.. lols.. hees.. dun angry ar bryan! wahaha.. aniwae.. ya.. so everyone talked la.. but.. well.. just sad that i dun have someone with me.. tsk.. not boyfriend la.. but a friend to enjoy it with.. yea..asked geck.. she too tired.. asked ron too late.. haha.. yeah.. shimin not free.. the rest.. no reply.. oh cheryl also not free.. yeah.. but well.. guess it's some time to hear the music n talk to myself.. yeah.. memories..

qutie tired now.. yeah.. took the train with stephanie.. :) she lives near my aunt:):) which is quite near me:) hees.. yeah.. she's quite easly to talk to la.. :) haha.. a cheerful one too:) hees.. brother ask me to try share the gospel with her.. well.. i din realli noe wat to sae.. i onli asked her if she has been invited to church before.. yeah.. she said she got but nv go cos she's not interested cos she has her own belief.. yeap.. so i asked her wat she knew about Christianity.. yea.. then she knows about Jesus came to earth n suffered n died for our sins.. yeah.. then i just shared with her.. that tt was wat touched me n why i became a Christian..

a man.. pure and innocent.. sent to earth to suffer.. as though it's not enough.. he still died on the cross.. not that he's done anithing wrong.. but he died.. to cleanse ME from my sins.. he doesn't even noe me.. n i dun even deserve God's grace and mercy.. yet.. God.. sent His Son.. to die for sinful me.. how amazing is such a love.. for someone whom u dunno.. u dun see.. well.. that's wat i build my faith on.. yeah.. i shared that with her lo.. din want to like pressurize her cos she din realli seem interested.. yeah.. got her contact.. bro.. i'll try my best.. but.. no guarantees.. but by faith.. :) i'm sure God has plans for her.. n we'll see her in church!:) yeap

kinda tired le. tomolo going swimming.. yeap.. tink i'll sleep soon.. hah.. so piggy.. well.. that's me la.. so pple who dun like pigs.. stay away from me ba..

actualli.. alot's been running through my head.. but well.. i dunno where to start.. i tink i said this alot of times.. i'm quite tired.. of trying all the time.. but results nv show.. sian.. God.. have i been made with such strong persistence.. such perserverance especially.. towards friendships? towards relationships with pple? i tire myself out.. n sometimes give up.. but inside me.. i still yearn.. yearn to solves the problems.. ya.. i just dun show it i guess.. so mani probs i face..yet.. all the time.. i try to keep that smiley face.. i tink.. some pple have seen that face wearing off.. that mask.. ain't fitting too well on my face le.. shit.. i dunno wat to do la.. sian..

tired.. drained.. vexed.. disappointed.. sad.. yet.. yearns to.. perservering.. holding on the that smallest gleam of hope.. that probs can b solved.. if not.. at least.. take out that puny gleam of hope in me.. it's realli torturous.. i'm onli a girl.. a normal girl.. leading a normal life.. or a complexed one? i dunno.. but.. i'm realli tired.. too tired to face anione with a happy face.. i dunno.. i feel like.. i'm such a faker.. sigh.. i dunno.. tink it's got into me.. to look happy:) but inside me.. most of the time.. it's like this :( sian.. sorry.. this sounds so.. i duno.. tired le.. going to sleep.. goodnight

some pics i took today.
nice sky.. but the scenary.. hmm haha..
nice lamp.. i wanted to bring it home:(
moo!! :) bro says it's me:( bla!!

I needed Jesus @ | 12:55:00 AM